sad?

i think im in a very depressed state and i have been for a while...

I cant seem to get happy, I want to cut, I want to run, I want to fly and fall and die, I want to dissappear and never reappear, I want to Crawl away from a good brawl, I want others to understand that liffe isn't as light for me as it is for them, I want everyone to see that love is hate and hate is love, I want to know that there's someone, SOMEONE, who no matter what i say will give me a hug or cuddle with me and tell me I did the right thing, I want a cat to just lie in my bed and let me wrap my self around it, so i could feel it's warmth and know that something is still out there besides me, I want to be able to take a shower w/o standing perfectly still for 5 minutes just thinking about all the shit ive done, I want to not cry every time i lie down, I want people to see what life is like for me.