to what happened between nat's ex and andrea... im proud of her,sounds kinda lame but i am...
Im also surprised it took so long for someone else to make a move but whatever, it happens
im just happy she loves me enough to stay away
i love you
Sunday, March 30, 2008
:P
so it happened again, not last night, but the night before... WAYY better
other than that... saw 21, good movie
hung out with harpo and andrea in the same day at dif times
went to some mexican place and it sucked ass
woke up today at 11:30 with a headache and 6 missed calls, 2 from andrea 4 from Chelsea
i think i would write something right now if i didnt feel so tired/headache-y
other than that... saw 21, good movie
hung out with harpo and andrea in the same day at dif times
went to some mexican place and it sucked ass
woke up today at 11:30 with a headache and 6 missed calls, 2 from andrea 4 from Chelsea
i think i would write something right now if i didnt feel so tired/headache-y
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
How do you do it? make me feel like you do
Hey there beautiful I know it's been long,
But I hope things got better in the time I was gone,
I know you've only gotten stronger,
And I've just been gone longer,
The days melted to one under the bottle,
And your arm just dripped into the puddle,
We've been locked in twisted internal bleeding,
And our daemons we just keep feeding,
But if you
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hey there beautiful I hate the things I've done,
But if you can kiss me you can put down the gun,
Flying lead won't break your fears,
Bloody corpses only bring back tears,
Drop the rifle and lower your screams,
I'm sorry I'm not the man of your dreams,
Hit me again, I'll let you this time,
Hit me and maybe it'll all be fine!
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hey there beautiful the times flown by,
I'm sorry for the times I made you cry,
You hated me then and still it lingers,
But why'd you take off three of my fingers?
But now the house is gone up in smoke,
And now that we are both just as broke,
Do you think we could try again?
Could we look through our self made rain?
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hold on (yeah yeah yeah),
Hold on (or let it go),
Ah yes, fun times
if you havent read yet, yes i lost my v card, and no, its rly not wht u expect it
uhm... from the dime bag i bought im downthe about half a bud and im splittin tht with tom tomorow, might not be eboungh but hell, i might get lucky with henry
haven't cut in a while :D
pole vaulting is rly a lot easier and more fun than i expected, so this season should be fun
FIRE FUCK!
But I hope things got better in the time I was gone,
I know you've only gotten stronger,
And I've just been gone longer,
The days melted to one under the bottle,
And your arm just dripped into the puddle,
We've been locked in twisted internal bleeding,
And our daemons we just keep feeding,
But if you
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hey there beautiful I hate the things I've done,
But if you can kiss me you can put down the gun,
Flying lead won't break your fears,
Bloody corpses only bring back tears,
Drop the rifle and lower your screams,
I'm sorry I'm not the man of your dreams,
Hit me again, I'll let you this time,
Hit me and maybe it'll all be fine!
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hey there beautiful the times flown by,
I'm sorry for the times I made you cry,
You hated me then and still it lingers,
But why'd you take off three of my fingers?
But now the house is gone up in smoke,
And now that we are both just as broke,
Do you think we could try again?
Could we look through our self made rain?
Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hold on (yeah yeah yeah),
Hold on (or let it go),
Ah yes, fun times
if you havent read yet, yes i lost my v card, and no, its rly not wht u expect it
uhm... from the dime bag i bought im downthe about half a bud and im splittin tht with tom tomorow, might not be eboungh but hell, i might get lucky with henry
haven't cut in a while :D
pole vaulting is rly a lot easier and more fun than i expected, so this season should be fun
FIRE FUCK!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
4 posts in one day
mmk, so i bet your all wondering why i've done four posts in one day, well quite frankly it's because thats about half the number of moodswings i've had in today alone, so here goes entry number 4
(btw, this has nothing to do with my actual feelings right now, just some cluttered thoughts in my brain)
Isn't it amazing? how in a world filled creatures that only one has chosen to grow and become the "ruler" of all the others? Well think about this, everyday people commit suicide, rape, murder, and poaching. What kind of race are we in that involves killing one's self, one another, torturing another, and unrestricted killing? humans weren't ment to live this way, stacked in similar, cookie-cutter houses along a narrow, twisting path in another gray part of the s8uberbs. We weren't ment to burn more than our weight's worth of fuel in a month. We weren't meant to be caged up, in a labrinth of twists and turns with nipple high walls and hispeed internet every five feet. We were ment to live spaced out, freely, as if grazing on a hillside. Naturally we wouldn't all group together, trying to obtain sustenance from the same patch of land the guy right below us is. We wouldn't naturally live over our own shit and we wouldn't naturally eat more sugar ina month than a creature that survives off of sugarcane does in a year.
What is civilized? According to our world, it's the process of which any and all people on the planet are accepted and loved and cared for. But by that meaning, what happens to the people who torture other people for pleasure? well, they're tossed out of society and locked up, sometimes even injected with poisons ment to mutilate them fomr the insides until life is forced out of them. And what about war? If we are so civilized as to love everyone, why is there war? People deciding they'll kill others simply because they dont believe in the same things or because he looked at them funny.
Imagine life as a bathroom: The sun is the light on the ceiling, the sink is a black whole, the holes in the ceiling tiles are the other universes, and the dorr is the gateway to heaven. Each time god needs to shit, he just goes in to our world and takes a dump and then jacks off. Now, in the toilet bowl of life, we have white and black people. Indians are the blood found in semen and asians are his diarhea, spreading to places no one wants them. We all are mixed up and swished around, randomly claiming parts of the world as our own and then being overrun by another. We float along for a while until god decides he get's bored with our little show and he flushes to toilet. poof, we're all dead.
(btw, this has nothing to do with my actual feelings right now, just some cluttered thoughts in my brain)
Isn't it amazing? how in a world filled creatures that only one has chosen to grow and become the "ruler" of all the others? Well think about this, everyday people commit suicide, rape, murder, and poaching. What kind of race are we in that involves killing one's self, one another, torturing another, and unrestricted killing? humans weren't ment to live this way, stacked in similar, cookie-cutter houses along a narrow, twisting path in another gray part of the s8uberbs. We weren't ment to burn more than our weight's worth of fuel in a month. We weren't meant to be caged up, in a labrinth of twists and turns with nipple high walls and hispeed internet every five feet. We were ment to live spaced out, freely, as if grazing on a hillside. Naturally we wouldn't all group together, trying to obtain sustenance from the same patch of land the guy right below us is. We wouldn't naturally live over our own shit and we wouldn't naturally eat more sugar ina month than a creature that survives off of sugarcane does in a year.
What is civilized? According to our world, it's the process of which any and all people on the planet are accepted and loved and cared for. But by that meaning, what happens to the people who torture other people for pleasure? well, they're tossed out of society and locked up, sometimes even injected with poisons ment to mutilate them fomr the insides until life is forced out of them. And what about war? If we are so civilized as to love everyone, why is there war? People deciding they'll kill others simply because they dont believe in the same things or because he looked at them funny.
Imagine life as a bathroom: The sun is the light on the ceiling, the sink is a black whole, the holes in the ceiling tiles are the other universes, and the dorr is the gateway to heaven. Each time god needs to shit, he just goes in to our world and takes a dump and then jacks off. Now, in the toilet bowl of life, we have white and black people. Indians are the blood found in semen and asians are his diarhea, spreading to places no one wants them. We all are mixed up and swished around, randomly claiming parts of the world as our own and then being overrun by another. We float along for a while until god decides he get's bored with our little show and he flushes to toilet. poof, we're all dead.
Bet you're on here
1: I'm not sure if you knew this, but ive always loved you, i dont know why, maybe it's for the obvious reasons or maybe i instantly knew there was more, i dont know why but when i help you and whenever you say you like someone, i always used get my hopes up, and now.... moving on just seems like im losing a part of me, the part of me who rly wants to care about what other people think (i think?)
2: I love you, i fera for loosing you and i know how much of a hypocrite i am for saying this but you dont need drugs, you dont need cutting, you dont need anything but me, we can make each other better, we've already done an ok job on it
3: I hate having to lose you, even though you're right there and oh so very close, you're miles away, forgetting about me and never mentioning my name, speeding off in to a land of unknown faces that stretches way past the edge of my comfort zone, i guess that's the best, for both of us.
4: I'm so so sorry for what i did to you. I'm an asshole, a douche bag, a lint licker and any other name you can make up for me. I don't quite know how you've forgiven me for it and im not quite sure how you can even still look me in the eyes or hold a decent conversation with me, I dont know how you do it, but you're a much better person than i am.
5: I'm sorry for all those scars on your arms and im sorry for abusing you
6: We are going to beat Jake troya's Ass one day, and we're noth going to enjoy it, thank god it's all over though
7: Why was our one day so short? couldn't it have gone on forever? think of all the fun we could have had if i wasn't such a pussy. oh well, it's passed. We don't neerly tlk as muchas we should anymore, nothing's ok with me, and im pretty sure you've got somethings you want to tell someone, but thats ok, you've got new friends now.
8: I don't even know what to say to you, If you were a litle less open with yourself, a little more secretive, i think you'd be ahppier, but you seem pretty happy right now.
9: After all the things we've done together, i still dont think we're as close as we should.
10: asshole, running away gets you no where
11: A little overdramatic? loving certain parts and destroying others, like you're the tyrant of your own body, which i suppose you are. But if you have to take your control issues out on yourself, i think it's time to MOVE ON from him and find some new friends, like your best friend did.
12: Why were you always so mean to me? What did i ever do to make you so mad that you shot down everything i ever said in your presence? I'm sorry that im not as smart as some of your other friends, im sorry i dont knowyou all that well, but your friends love you and whatever you did to get them to post like that.... idk... dont do it again?
13: YOUR ALL FAGGOTS WHO SHOULD ROT IN SHIT
14: You idiot, you piece of shit who smells so bad you can't even stand yourself. Lazy, unmotivated, out of shape, a slob lying on the ground waiting for life to be handed to you, you're always the victim, never the torturer, well guess what, life sucks. get over yourself and move on, can't you see what a fuckface you are? no you can't, because you can't see yourself. Go die in a hole.
15: It's obvious it's not going to last, an uneven couple. maybe it can stick if you try hard enough, cuz i can guarentee you he's not going to.
2: I love you, i fera for loosing you and i know how much of a hypocrite i am for saying this but you dont need drugs, you dont need cutting, you dont need anything but me, we can make each other better, we've already done an ok job on it
3: I hate having to lose you, even though you're right there and oh so very close, you're miles away, forgetting about me and never mentioning my name, speeding off in to a land of unknown faces that stretches way past the edge of my comfort zone, i guess that's the best, for both of us.
4: I'm so so sorry for what i did to you. I'm an asshole, a douche bag, a lint licker and any other name you can make up for me. I don't quite know how you've forgiven me for it and im not quite sure how you can even still look me in the eyes or hold a decent conversation with me, I dont know how you do it, but you're a much better person than i am.
5: I'm sorry for all those scars on your arms and im sorry for abusing you
6: We are going to beat Jake troya's Ass one day, and we're noth going to enjoy it, thank god it's all over though
7: Why was our one day so short? couldn't it have gone on forever? think of all the fun we could have had if i wasn't such a pussy. oh well, it's passed. We don't neerly tlk as muchas we should anymore, nothing's ok with me, and im pretty sure you've got somethings you want to tell someone, but thats ok, you've got new friends now.
8: I don't even know what to say to you, If you were a litle less open with yourself, a little more secretive, i think you'd be ahppier, but you seem pretty happy right now.
9: After all the things we've done together, i still dont think we're as close as we should.
10: asshole, running away gets you no where
11: A little overdramatic? loving certain parts and destroying others, like you're the tyrant of your own body, which i suppose you are. But if you have to take your control issues out on yourself, i think it's time to MOVE ON from him and find some new friends, like your best friend did.
12: Why were you always so mean to me? What did i ever do to make you so mad that you shot down everything i ever said in your presence? I'm sorry that im not as smart as some of your other friends, im sorry i dont knowyou all that well, but your friends love you and whatever you did to get them to post like that.... idk... dont do it again?
13: YOUR ALL FAGGOTS WHO SHOULD ROT IN SHIT
14: You idiot, you piece of shit who smells so bad you can't even stand yourself. Lazy, unmotivated, out of shape, a slob lying on the ground waiting for life to be handed to you, you're always the victim, never the torturer, well guess what, life sucks. get over yourself and move on, can't you see what a fuckface you are? no you can't, because you can't see yourself. Go die in a hole.
15: It's obvious it's not going to last, an uneven couple. maybe it can stick if you try hard enough, cuz i can guarentee you he's not going to.
The Royal Tenebaums
blehh
champagne is good
so is weed
and andrea
and head
and sleep
and making jokes
and being accepted
and love
life is bad
so are chores
and pills
and anything requiring a hypodermic needle
and my non-writing as of late
and my dissociation right now
and my trance im stuck in
and the way live life
and how much i complain
and how much of an ass i am
and how much i dont care
i need you right now
sooo much
i want to get high but both my lighters are out and that bud is rly too big for just me
i want to cut but we're going to kalamazoo tomorow
i want to run but i know how stupid that is
i want to die but i want to live
im walking down the line
that divides me somewhere in my mind
on the borderline of the edge and where i walk alone
It's spring again,
The flowers should be out,
The snow gone,
And animals about,
It's spring again,
Winter's finally gone,
It took the cold,
And made green our lawn,
But what is this?
On day two,
Another flurry,
A foot or two,
Kill the trees,
Destroy the plants,
No more shorts,
Back to pants,
The short sleeves,
Came and went,
The burst of warmth,
Is already spent,
But when it gets warm,
Go and grasp the day,
Go outside with friends,
Have fun and play,
"No, I hate the sun... It makes my eyes bleed"
champagne is good
so is weed
and andrea
and head
and sleep
and making jokes
and being accepted
and love
life is bad
so are chores
and pills
and anything requiring a hypodermic needle
and my non-writing as of late
and my dissociation right now
and my trance im stuck in
and the way live life
and how much i complain
and how much of an ass i am
and how much i dont care
i need you right now
sooo much
i want to get high but both my lighters are out and that bud is rly too big for just me
i want to cut but we're going to kalamazoo tomorow
i want to run but i know how stupid that is
i want to die but i want to live
im walking down the line
that divides me somewhere in my mind
on the borderline of the edge and where i walk alone
It's spring again,
The flowers should be out,
The snow gone,
And animals about,
It's spring again,
Winter's finally gone,
It took the cold,
And made green our lawn,
But what is this?
On day two,
Another flurry,
A foot or two,
Kill the trees,
Destroy the plants,
No more shorts,
Back to pants,
The short sleeves,
Came and went,
The burst of warmth,
Is already spent,
But when it gets warm,
Go and grasp the day,
Go outside with friends,
Have fun and play,
"No, I hate the sun... It makes my eyes bleed"
beat me
i feel... like im about to explode on something
the days just seem to keep blending together, indistinguishable, unimportant, the same cycle of daily routine spinning over and over, waiting for something extraordinary to break the monotonous routine of existence.
today i actually woke up only feeling partly tired, then i started doing chores, then more chores, then more chores, then i got a shitty haircut that looks gay as fuck, then i got home and relaxed... for abvout 20 mins before i worked on more and more and more chores.
yesterday i got up, went to practice for 2.5 hours (which was 2 hours of windmills and over a mile of running) came home, got my permit, went home again, waited, waited ,shopped, watched movies, hung out, went home, took some sleeping pills and fell asleep.
i have to go, my grandparents just got here
the days just seem to keep blending together, indistinguishable, unimportant, the same cycle of daily routine spinning over and over, waiting for something extraordinary to break the monotonous routine of existence.
today i actually woke up only feeling partly tired, then i started doing chores, then more chores, then more chores, then i got a shitty haircut that looks gay as fuck, then i got home and relaxed... for abvout 20 mins before i worked on more and more and more chores.
yesterday i got up, went to practice for 2.5 hours (which was 2 hours of windmills and over a mile of running) came home, got my permit, went home again, waited, waited ,shopped, watched movies, hung out, went home, took some sleeping pills and fell asleep.
i have to go, my grandparents just got here
Monday, March 17, 2008
I'd say im sorry, but you've got your head too far up your ass to hear
lol
the title's for anyone who wanted me to post earlier
but yeah, ive been really busy, school, drivers ed, track, camping, homework, fixing the computer, andrea's house, etc.
"we can burn the cup.. but we aren't going to"
"hey i found a sock!" "let's burn it!"
"I'm gonna go snort some asbestos, be back latter"
ah god, wonderful times with colin and shawn
i rly need to hang out with andrea, im rly sorry for leaving early and i wish we coulda had that afternoon all to ourselves.
we need to fix each other.
i love you
god im so tired
the title's for anyone who wanted me to post earlier
but yeah, ive been really busy, school, drivers ed, track, camping, homework, fixing the computer, andrea's house, etc.
"we can burn the cup.. but we aren't going to"
"hey i found a sock!" "let's burn it!"
"I'm gonna go snort some asbestos, be back latter"
ah god, wonderful times with colin and shawn
i rly need to hang out with andrea, im rly sorry for leaving early and i wish we coulda had that afternoon all to ourselves.
we need to fix each other.
i love you
god im so tired
Sunday, March 2, 2008
why wont?
why wont people kill me?
why wont they hurt me?
even when i want it?
even when i deserve it?
why wont this life leave me?
why am i still alive?
I think three times would be enough to do it...
why is life fucked up for those of us who just want to be happy?
and for other... life is good for them but they're too fuckin blind to see...
why is my life so fucked?
why do i sound so selfish?
why do i always get depressed when i go home?
why cant i get what i deserve?
why dont i get what i want?
and then when i get it... why do i always get it taken away?
as if life is trying to show me how good life could be if i was some one else, but no, because im the little fucking accident i am i cant be happy, i cant be fun, i have to be this emotional swing with too many voices to count.
truth is i dont fucking like where i am...
i want to end
i dont want to feel anymore
i dont want to be anymore
why cant i just fade away?
why wont they hurt me?
even when i want it?
even when i deserve it?
why wont this life leave me?
why am i still alive?
I think three times would be enough to do it...
why is life fucked up for those of us who just want to be happy?
and for other... life is good for them but they're too fuckin blind to see...
why is my life so fucked?
why do i sound so selfish?
why do i always get depressed when i go home?
why cant i get what i deserve?
why dont i get what i want?
and then when i get it... why do i always get it taken away?
as if life is trying to show me how good life could be if i was some one else, but no, because im the little fucking accident i am i cant be happy, i cant be fun, i have to be this emotional swing with too many voices to count.
truth is i dont fucking like where i am...
i want to end
i dont want to feel anymore
i dont want to be anymore
why cant i just fade away?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
