I pass the time at work until I can go home. I pas the time at home until I can go to work.

Wow

Ok, so I guess it's been over a year since I last posted. Wow

Also; I'm typing his on my iPod.

I'm tired. Very very tired. I'm sick of everyone bitching about their lives, their pains, their problems. I'm tired of sleeping without rest.

I also hurt a lot; my knee, shins, ankle, elbow, and shoulder all have soft tissue damage beyond soreness and well into bruising.
I stage home and iced my injuries during 2nd, 3rd, and 4th hour today, then went back to school to accomplish very little. (on a side note the whereat institute seems to be calling me a lot since the presentation in 5th hours, like everyday) I then went to practice where I did 3 lefts with little success, then I went to shed drills, and then I iced. Vern then proceeded to get mad at me and Alex r. For icing without talking to him, so I ran the whole workout, which included 12 50-yard accelerations followed by 50-yards sprints, 3 20-yard sprints, 3 50-yard sprints, and a lap around the field. Then we reorganized the shed and cleaned up. Then we went home. Fuck that was painful.

Also, as a track note, i feel like he fact that I won 2nd in two jumpin events, and qualifying for states in one of them, has been overshadowed by our teams massive loss. People were more concerned with our distance, hurdlers, and sprinters sucking than with the fact that the pole vault squad had 6 personal bests. Again, also, I feel like none of the other captains respect me. They choose an athlete of the meet without me even after I bad gone around and gotten everyone to agree on a captains meeting after the meet. They don't listen to what I say, they don't even really pretend to be paying attention. I'm doing my best to achieve communication and it seems like everyone's just ignoring it, or using it to achieve something for themselves.

Am I becoming paranoid?

I'm beginning to hate waking up, I need a dream.

so there's one week left until outdoor season starts

which means a month of conditioning and pole drops

:/


my aunt came over right after I got home from school today, i was the only one home and had a headache so I really didn't want her there. Looking back on it, I should have never opened the door.

I'm tired

and I have a headache still

I don't think staring at my computer screen helps at all, but what else am I going to do?

My aunt is currently sleeping on the sofa opposite me so I can't watch TV

And I truly don't feel like doing work or conversing or such







I hate to say it but I really can't wait for my mom to get home and tell her sister to go home.

i feel fat

and dumb

and bruised

and numb

and I'm sorry I can't make you feel better








How do you tell the one you love that you get random urges to just make a shotgun and paint the walls in your bedroom with blood?


I'm sorry, I shouldn't've said that.

I suppose I could erase it but I feel like this is what my life is becoming here, alone.


And when I call you your upset, you aren't in any state to console, so I do the work.

Maybe one of us can be happy

I think to myself while I listen to you cry






I know it sure as hell can't be me

I'm so sorry






I miss you a lot.






In other news, for those of you not in the loop, I'm grounded until April 11th.
No cellphone
No computer w/o permission
No door
No truck/car
No license
No drugs
No seeing Andrea outside of once a week while supervised by both of my parents while at my house




I really miss you

I get the feeling I'll be doing a lot of that.

I'm so lonely

When people recognize me in the hallways it startles me.

I need money.

I need people to hang out with so when you ask me what I did to say I can have something more than "nothing."




I love you,


Maybe I'll see you today