lets see...

well, not much to blog on so far this week. Random loooonnngg hour convo's with my granparents who like to relish in the past, boringness online, watching some tv shows i would never be allowed to wach at home, and today we're gonna go glow-putting.

Yesterday was really a downer day for me. I didn't really do much, and a little after lunch I just felt kinda sick, but I wasn't it was just my mentality. I was having the same reoccuring thoughts/memories that was having last year when I started cutting. I felt really really lonely and like I wanted to die/run away. Thank you Nat for helping me.

Well those feelings started to lift at around 11 last night... and I was able to relax and watch TV until like 1:30.

and now Im bored again

Old people

Ive decided that the day I become old, frail, and senile, is the day that I will jump off of a bridge. Old people are too much of a hassle for the community, no one should live past 65.

Im at my grandparents all week. don't call, don't text. Leave me messages on myspace or something.

...

I also feel like cutting

Because

I feel like crying

But the tears just won't come

I feel Weak

Because I... I'm not doing anything right.

Someone, Please help me.

I feel

lonely

Katie just told me that she can't come over today.

I haven't seen anyone since Thursday.

Friday=chores
Saturday=chores
today=chores

I lead a very boring, lonely life

I miss everyone

all of my friends

I miss school

I feel sick

Sick of this shit hole house

Sick of my parents who lord over me

Sick of nothing good happening

Sick of everything that should be good going bad

Sick of lying awake every night making plans to do something fun that never works out

Sick of trying

I'm sick of it, all of it.

I just want to know some one is there

someone who I can actually see in person

but that will never happen

your all out

doing stuff




what I wouldn't give to see a friend right now

You seen this?

this is what some seniors put up on myspace for the 'Churchill' school group thing:

"
Dear Freshman,
Congrats....now you're the lowest of the low, Here are just a few helpful words of advice:
1) You are not cool.

2) Everyone does hate you.

3) You are annoying.

4) JOIN the choir class

- Sex doesn't make you cool & it won't make the upper-class boys think any higher of you. So don't go around bragging about it, no one cares & then you look like an easy freshman whore.. just leave all the slutty things you did in 8th grade in middle school.

- dont brag about the number of seniors you know. The more u brag, the more we can tell youre a freshman.

- You are a F-R-E-S-H-M-A-N.. not a "freshie" - shut up, you sound like a queer

- Don't walk around telling upperclassmen you're not all stupid freshman, we don't care, we're still calling you one.

-Respect your teachers and your peers. Getting written up everyday and purposely failing really doesn't look cool, we may laugh but it is at you for your ignorance. If your going to waste time and school board money on bullshitting around just drop out your a lost cause and your really not that cool. people talk down about you behind your back.

- Dont think you're smart because you filled up water bottles with vodka/ or coke bottles with bacardi and snuck it onto your 8th grade field trip. We've all done it.. so don't be proud.

- Don't post things like "FINALLY A FRESHIE!! LOLZZZ" on myspace. If anything, you suck big time.

- DO NOT think that the upper-class girls are your best friends.. they will just laugh at you.

-Do not wear ripped jeans and an Abercrombie shirt because you want to make "a variety of friends."

-If you are going to try and rebel, it most likely won't work.

- Don't think that you have privacy now. Once you're here.. Your business is everyone's business.

-Dont tell everyone you love your boyfriend after 2 days, you're an idiot.

- Don't try to sit at upperclassmen lunch tables. You will be picked up and thrown onto the floor.

- dont tell your friends that youre busy after school and tell them u have to go meet your friends in the jr./sr. parking lot, we all know your brother/sisters just taking you home.

- You'll never be as hot as the '08, '09, & '10 girls. So don't try.

- To all freshman guys, you can't get with the class of '08 & '09 & '10 girls.

- Don't try to say you're older than you really are. The way you walk, dress & talk just has freshman written all over you.

- Your name is "the class of 11." HAHA.. enough said.

-Don' t try to pull that shit "Well you were freshmen once..." STOP! We know that we were freshmen, but we arent anymore so shut the fuck up.

-The day you mess with our boyfriend/girlfriend, you'll never enjoy high school again, b****.

- Don't be a slut. This should be the number one rule.

- DO NOT crowd our halls like cattle, because the upper classmen can (& most likely will), push you out of the way. You WILL get hurt

-To all the freshman guys, we know your balls haven't dropped yet. That's why you still sound like Mickey Mouse. Don't go around bragging how big your d*** is or how huge your balls are. We all know you're lying.

Welcome to hell. =]

Believe me---You CANT win. Have FUN being a freshman...for a fun-filled year with NO life and NO opinion whatsoever.

Sincerely,
The Classes of '08, '09 &'10
"

kinda stupid, no?

Apologies

Teri:
I'm sorry for posting that argument between me and Christy and I'm sorry for ever bringing up you and Fry in the argument in the first place. I'm sorry for Cedar Point, we never should have done anything, thank god we didn't do anything we would've really regretted.

Elise:
I'm sorry for being mean to you at times, like saying that you look like a man. I'm sorry for all of those times where I've made you feel bad.

Sahana:
I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I should've seen what was going on and seperated myself from you as fast as possible so you wouldn't have been hurt as much. I'm sorry for joking around with you about the matter to which will not bring up here, but please, please stop. All your doing is increasing your potential to hurt yourself and others in the future.

Kayleigh:
I'm sorry for being an asshole to you over the past year.

Katie M.:
I'm sorry for jumping in to a relationship with you right after you had broken up with Ethan, I should've realised that you would need your space and backed off.

Katie C.:
I'm sorry for cheating on you. I'm sorry for not stoping. I'm sorry for everything and anything I've done that has hurt you. I'm sorry I can't see you more.

Family:
I'm sorry I'm not exactly what you want. I'm sorry that I'll never be as good a student as Joe and Dad, or as good a musician as Mom, or as good an athlete as Sharon. I'm sorry that I don't meet up to your standards. I'm sorry that I don't do everything that you want me to, and I'm sorry that the things I do aren't allways done on time.

Christy:
I'm sorry for fighting with you. I'm sorry that I did cheat on you the day we broke up. I'm sorry that I didn't realise what was going on and break up with you sooner. I'm sorry for everything I said, and I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Connie:
I'm sorry if anything I've ever done has stepped over the line. I'm sorry that life has handed you so much shit to deal with.

Nat:
I'm sorry for not stoping when I should've. It would've saved us both a lot of trouble. I'm sorry for choosing Andrea over you. I'm sorry I ever misjudged you.

Everyone:
I'm sorry if I ever was an asshole to anyone of you. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you. I'm sorry.

~.~

I just had the weirdest night of sleep ever.

I took a nap at 4:30pm yesterday... but i didn't wake up until 9:30

So i stayed up until 2am

and then slept until 10:30am

thats like... 13.5 hours of sleep

yeah, i would say i was tired...



You shoulda heard the storms last night, there was a good one at 11:30 and another that went from 1:30 past when I fell asleep. It was amazing.

Lightning was lighting up my windows and shit. I loved it.

oh shit

im turning my phone off... pretty much for good

I only have 13 mins left for the year so call my house phone

542-0802 same area code as my cell

and no texting either

I need

A hug

from a friend

not my family

just a friend who can hug me and tell me everything is going to be allright

?

Ever felt like life was like a dog chasing it's tail?

Theres allways something you want to get, and you keep on trying for it, as hard as you can, keep going, your almost there!

and then when you get there or get that thing... it isn't as fun/good as you thought it would be.

So you let it go.

And then after a while you notice something else that interests you, so you chase it.

and on and on and on.

and the younger the dog is, the more excited it is when it chases it's tail.

The older a dog is, the less he wants to because he's got 'better' things to do.

Have you ever...?

Noticed how much people change and are different from when they are in public and when they are behind closed doors?

Felt that everyones efforts to keep you here just make you want to leave more?

Felt seriously like death?

Tried your hardest and still wasn't good enough?

Saw someone try and fail, and then knowing you've been in that spot tried to help them out but didn't know how?

Had a one way conversation with someone who you don't even really know and they're judging you?

Told someone you thought you were going crazy?

Felt like you were getting left behind on purpose?

Gotten bad grades just to piss someone off?

?

I really do what would happen if I ran away with katie... I think I'm prepared for it...

I mean, packing stuff wouldnt be that hard...

-pup tent
-matches
-2 sleeping bags
-2 backpacks (she would get the smaller one
-4 flashlights (JIC)
-food could be bought/stolen/brought
-I could steal about 100$ from my parents if I wanted to run away
-I have a few knives for protection if needed
-I would bring my cell but keep it off except for emergencies
-I have more than enough first aid kits I could take
-I do have basic medical training and can teach it quite easily
-I do know CPR
-Gas stations could be used as bathrooms
-Cards are easily accessible for free time
-I would want some paper for my poetry
-I could easily pack a bunch of bottled waters
-I could take a few needles and a bunch of thread if our cloths get ripped (yes I know how to sew)


so thats my list...
I'm not gonna tell you where we would stay because... DUH that defeats the purpose of running away...

if I were to run with her, I would go sometime soon, and 'd go before it even started to think about getting cold.


We'd test out one place and if we liked it, we'd keep running, south, to a warmer place.

I think Tennessee would be nice.
we could get adopted being pretend orphans. we'd stick together, although I wonder if they'd notice anything to friendly that siblings wouldn't do... prbbly so scratch that idea.

Im open to suggestions if Ive forgotten anything.

confession

I wrote this song for katie, today it's about my confession at the HP party.

I was thinking about the melody of 'The Story of my old Man' for this song (slightly extended of course) the 'one day he woke up' part




As you sit there wondering how life could be so bad,
I sit there next to you, I'm sorry to make you sad,
But the truth is, that I know I love her too,
I never lied to either when I told them 'I love you,"
The difference is whether it was friend or more,
Now I fell like dying to the core,
My heart is torn because of one horny girl,
the thoughts running through my mind seem to swirl,
But you sit there still, not a thing to say,
What do I do? Do i go or do I stay?

Torn into pieces and left to die,
I'm sorry that I made you cry,
And now as these hours fly on by,
I'm hoping that we don't have to say goodbye,

"Are you going to break up with me?" I hear you say,
"No," I reply and ask if you want me to go away,
"no" you echo and so i stay,
I hope she still loves me I hope and pray,
she says that she loves me to much to hate me,
She tells me I wanted it and I agree,
I should have stopped before I went,
But now that whole, night I resent,

Torn into pieces and left to die,
I'm sorry that I made you cry,
And now as these hours fly on by,
I'm hoping that we don't have to say goodbye,

These are the hours in which we lie awake,
Knowing we are each others to take,
Miles away, I still feel your heart beat,
I swear I don't know what made me cheat,
But without you, my life would be incomplete,
So lets walk hand in hand back down this street,
Please stop crying, I love you to much,
It hurts me to see you hurt yourself and such,
If you need me, I can be your crutch,
And on my hand you continue to clutch.
I love you so much.

Torn into pieces and left to die, (torn into pieces and left to die)
I'm sorry that I made you cry, (Please don't cry)
And now as these hours fly on by, (right on by)
I'm hoping that we don't have to say goodbye,

The pot is full...

Too many people/things to care or worry about in not enough time and not enough me.


Elise and Sahana are kind of in an awkward situation that I helped create, but she really should trust Sahana.

I love Katie and can't get her off of my mind.

Nat I have to keep my distance with her now.

My mom is on the verge of another mental breakdown because of work.

My dad is still threatening to leave the house.

My brother is still failing college.

I'm losing touch with so many friends it's not funny.

Alec I think put 2 and 2 together to figure out me and Nat. (completely my fault, god im such an idiot)

My parents think that if my coach sees my scars I'll be thrown off of the team.

Tam still worries me when she gets to talking about Harpo.

Christy pretty much wants to kill me.

Teri pretty much wants to kill me.

I'm still worried that I'll stop keeping in touch with Elise.

I'm confused about Katie because she definatly was trying to make moves on me at license to wed... but she was the one who broke up with me and was saying it was a mistake.

Sahana, I'm worried about her problem... It's really not healthy

Teri, I know she's already prepared herself for it, but that does seem a little cold, because now the relationship really won't flow as smoothly.

I confused Andrea at the fireworks at the end of the spree, and confused myself. I hope that I didn't hurt her when I started going out with Katie.

My parents are still riding me to "make eagle" (a rank in boy scouts [the highest one]). But I will and now It's just a matter of time, but they refuse to believe that.

The psychologist my parents are gonna send me to is the same one my brother went to for his anger management problems, awkward, no?

I've had this thing since summer camp, where I'll kind of phase out, and then I'll see, hear, taste, touch, and smell things, but it's like I'm doing it at some futuristic theater where I have no control over it. When I move, it feels as though someone else is moving me. when someone's talking to me, I don't feel like they're really talking to me. I hear everything, close and far, and my eyesight doesn't focus on one particular thing. am i going crazy? no, I'm not taking any drugs.


My parents keep looking at me like I don't belong to them. I think thats because my moms side has a history of depression and bipolar disorder and she doesn't want a kid who has that.

My parents keep talking about me like I'm not there when I'm in the same room.

I'm probably one of the weakest guys in football.

I dropped a 75 pound bar on my stomach last weight training.

We still are poor as fuck.

The other house is still sucking money.

My parents are still as irritable as ever.

I feel like taking Katie and running away from it all.

=/

My dad saw my scars this morning. He wasn't pissed off or anything, he just asked simple questions like "how long? what do u use? give it to me."etc.

so now I have to go see a psychologist. hey, maybe while I'm there I can learn about it so I'm better off when I become one. :D

I don't think that he bought it when I told him I used a knife and then gave him this shabby old crappy knife. Whatever, I still have my razors, if he wants them he can go and find them.

:]

I told her, she was disappointed in me for doing it, but happy that i actually came to her and told her. The harry Potter release party was actually pretty fun, scavenger hunt and all. After I admitted to her that I'd cheated on her she told me she loved me to much to stay mad at me. She asked me if I was going to break up with her I said no, i asked her if she was going to break up with me she said she loved me too much.

We had fun, or atleast I did. I got home and started reading :P Im at chapter 4, now my sisters reading it.

Ironic, dontcha think?

Horoscope for today:

Aries: Old friends are the best friends. An old flame could pop back into your life, but this might cause an awkward moment. It is also possible that your business concerns may interfere with your love life.

hmmm...

old flame= christy
awkward moment= 2 hours of arguing
old friends= you know who you are
business concerns= harry potter book
love life= katie

IM SORRY

thats the new message, in my arm.

I made it last night because I realized how much of an asshole I've been and how much it's going to hurt Katie to hear that I've been cheating on her. I have to tell her, I really really don't want to, but I have to.

I feel like shit. For everything I've done. Please forgive me.

So I'm seeing her tonight at the Harry Potter release party, and Tam says we'll have to wait in line until like 4 am because we aren't getting any line placement tickets. Hope i get a book. But more importantly, I hope that she'll understand and won't flip out or get all depressed. I just wish things could stay the same between us, but I know that won't happen.

I feel like an asshole, who should burn in hell.


I wonder if she'll ever even look at me the same.

But wait! there's more!

yeah

she logged back in

Mochalatte687 signed on at 7:28:48 PM.

Mochalatte687 (7:30:28 PM): i didn't run away u told me to leave

Mochalatte687 (7:30:52 PM): and dont even pull all that jesus crap on me

cwdwarf (7:30:56 PM): and since when do u agree with me?

Mochalatte687 (7:31:03 PM): i dont

cwdwarf (7:31:09 PM): oh, ill do whatever the fuck i feel like

cwdwarf (7:31:20 PM): uve nvr seen me angry, and ur getting damn close

Mochalatte687 (7:31:42 PM): yah well u have already made me mad

cwdwarf (7:31:58 PM): good

cwdwarf (7:32:03 PM): but

cwdwarf (7:32:14 PM): "i (you) dont really care anymore"

Mochalatte687 (7:32:23 PM): about what?

cwdwarf (7:32:34 PM): the whokle convo

Mochalatte687 (7:32:53 PM): good

Mochalatte687 (7:33:21 PM): but just so u no ur "rep" isnt as nice as u make it out to be

cwdwarf (7:33:27 PM): i was quoting you...

cwdwarf (7:33:34 PM): i know that

cwdwarf (7:33:41 PM): i try not to make it any worse

cwdwarf (7:33:59 PM): getting suspended for a threat in 5th grade kills ur rep, trust me

Mochalatte687 (7:34:26 PM): yeah i know. my cousin did the same thing in kindergarden

cwdwarf (7:34:38 PM): kindergarten is mucho dif

Mochalatte687 (7:34:39 PM): but at least he had a good exuse

cwdwarf (7:34:47 PM): so did i

cwdwarf (7:35:04 PM): i was answering a joke from a friend, then for some reason he reported it to the principle as a threat

cwdwarf (7:35:18 PM): i hate tht kid now

Mochalatte687 (7:35:20 PM): duh

cwdwarf (7:35:32 PM): wht was his excuse

cwdwarf (7:35:36 PM): "im to young"?

Mochalatte687 (7:35:45 PM): NO

cwdwarf (7:35:48 PM): cuz tht aint no excuse

Mochalatte687 (7:35:52 PM): DUH

Mochalatte687 (7:36:17 PM): his...actually i dont really feel like telling u

cwdwarf (7:36:29 PM): is this the cousin u made out with?

Mochalatte687 (7:37:18 PM): I DIDNYT MAKE OUT WITH MY COUSIN

Mochalatte687 (7:37:37 PM): how many times do i have to tell u that?

cwdwarf (7:38:11 PM): until i actually believe you

cwdwarf (7:38:18 PM): or u tell me what really happened

Mochalatte687 (7:38:23 PM): NO

Mochalatte687 (7:38:35 PM): alex tells u a lot of crap

cwdwarf (7:38:45 PM): and so do you

Mochalatte687 (7:39:33 PM): I HATE U SOMETIMES

cwdwarf (7:40:00 PM): interesting statement

cwdwarf (7:40:07 PM): ur the first one to actually admit that

Mochalatte687 (7:40:41 PM): just to ur face. plenty of people say it bhind ur back

cwdwarf (7:40:51 PM): oh, i know

cwdwarf (7:40:59 PM): im not deaf, or blind

cwdwarf (7:41:14 PM): well

cwdwarf (7:41:21 PM): maybe the blind part seeing as i went out with you

Mochalatte687 (7:42:20 PM): too bad i was so dumb. i couldnt see what a insensitive jerk u were

cwdwarf (7:42:44 PM): insensitive?

cwdwarf (7:42:47 PM): no

Mochalatte687 (7:42:50 PM): i think i would have rather gone out with brian again than go out with u

cwdwarf (7:42:55 PM): just i know when to stop being pretend nice

cwdwarf (7:42:59 PM): lol

cwdwarf (7:43:00 PM): brian?

cwdwarf (7:43:11 PM): all u did with him was like hold his fucking hand, u prude

Mochalatte687 (7:43:09 PM): not laughing

Mochalatte687 (7:43:29 PM): yeah but he was better than u

cwdwarf (7:43:40 PM): yeah, he was a wimp

Mochalatte687 (7:43:38 PM): he actually did love me

Mochalatte687 (7:43:54 PM): at least he wasnt a disturbed liar

cwdwarf (7:43:58 PM): then yd u break up with him

cwdwarf (7:44:09 PM): if he was so good

Mochalatte687 (7:44:25 PM): cause i didnt like him

cwdwarf (7:44:34 PM): good job

Mochalatte687 (7:44:41 PM): im just saying i liked him better than u

cwdwarf (7:44:47 PM): not only do u lie, but u lure guys into traps so u can break their hearts

cwdwarf (7:44:56 PM): very nice

Mochalatte687 (7:44:55 PM): i do not

Mochalatte687 (7:45:07 PM): i liked him for 4 years

Mochalatte687 (7:45:15 PM): and i dont lie

cwdwarf (7:45:20 PM): andf then it just, stoped?

cwdwarf (7:45:27 PM): "i dont lie"

cwdwarf (7:45:33 PM): "i never really loved you"

cwdwarf (7:45:36 PM): "i love you"

cwdwarf (7:45:44 PM): yeah, good combo u got going there

cwdwarf (7:45:50 PM): keep throwing fuel on the fire

Mochalatte687 (7:45:50 PM): i thought i did

cwdwarf (7:46:05 PM): but then again, you dont know what love is

Mochalatte687 (7:46:12 PM): niether do u

cwdwarf (7:46:27 PM): true

cwdwarf (7:46:37 PM): and i admitted tht

cwdwarf (7:46:47 PM): not necisaruily to you, but i do admit tht

Mochalatte687 (7:47:03 PM): u just admitted it to me u idiot

cwdwarf (7:47:11 PM): no shit

cwdwarf (7:47:14 PM): but before tht

cwdwarf (7:47:21 PM): like wayy before i even mety you

Mochalatte687 (7:47:27 PM): whatever

cwdwarf (7:47:38 PM): nice comeback

Mochalatte687 (7:47:45 PM): thanx

Mochalatte687 (7:50:05 PM): r u gonna say anything?

cwdwarf (7:50:19 PM): whts there to say?

cwdwarf (7:50:29 PM): i prety much just shut you down on all ports

Mochalatte687 (7:50:35 PM): oh really?

cwdwarf (7:51:09 PM): ya

Mochalatte687 (7:51:19 PM): nice comeback

cwdwarf (7:51:39 PM): ... i didnt need one, i just completely pulverized ur convo

Mochalatte687 (7:51:48 PM): rotfl

Mochalatte687 (7:51:55 PM): whatever u say

cwdwarf (7:52:01 PM): wow

cwdwarf (7:52:02 PM): nice

cwdwarf (7:52:14 PM): u cant think of anything else to say so u try to pretend tht u won

cwdwarf (7:52:24 PM): just keep pretending, maybe itll come true someday

Mochalatte687 (7:52:46 PM): u wish i was pretending

cwdwarf (7:53:00 PM): i KNOW ur pretending

Mochalatte687 (7:54:01 PM): and i KNOW your the worst person ive ever met, even worse than jamie...and thats saying something

cwdwarf (7:54:12 PM): ok?

cwdwarf (7:54:20 PM): i dont really care what u think anymore

cwdwarf (7:54:43 PM): time can be manipulated by man, but when it's waisted, why even bother going back to it/

Mochalatte687 (7:54:46 PM): ive never cared what u think

cwdwarf (7:55:07 PM): i noticed

cwdwarf (7:55:09 PM): pprude

cwdwarf (7:56:07 PM): except with ur cuz

Mochalatte687 (7:56:13 PM): oooooooooooo calling names, back in kindergarden r we?

cwdwarf (7:56:20 PM): lol

cwdwarf (7:56:23 PM): nice

Mochalatte687 (7:56:25 PM): not laughing

cwdwarf (7:56:35 PM): now we're trying to switch the subject? dont think so

Mochalatte687 (7:56:43 PM): ?

Mochalatte687 (7:56:50 PM): what subject

Mochalatte687 (7:57:15 PM): it was just u pretending ur all high and mighty again

cwdwarf (7:57:21 PM): the subject ur losing

cwdwarf (7:57:40 PM): oh, im not pretending, and its not high and mighty either

cwdwarf (7:57:45 PM): god, u r so ur mothers kid

Mochalatte687 (7:57:55 PM): excuse me?

Mochalatte687 (7:58:08 PM): what is that suposed to mean?

cwdwarf (7:58:32 PM): u walk like her, talk like her, you even fucking laugh like her

Mochalatte687 (7:59:14 PM): at least i was supposed to be born. Ur just a fucking mistake

cwdwarf (7:59:29 PM): i know tht

cwdwarf (7:59:33 PM): and i accept it

cwdwarf (7:59:40 PM): atkeast someone loves me

Mochalatte687 (7:59:48 PM): oh who is that

cwdwarf (8:00:03 PM): my friends

cwdwarf (8:00:04 PM): u know

cwdwarf (8:00:12 PM): the people that talk to me like normal people?

Mochalatte687 (8:00:24 PM): o so no one then?

cwdwarf (8:00:57 PM): no, those people u refuse to meet

cwdwarf (8:01:07 PM): or acknowledge

Mochalatte687 (8:01:20 PM): when was that?

cwdwarf (8:01:31 PM): while we were going out....

cwdwarf (8:01:36 PM): u only met elise and teri

cwdwarf (8:01:53 PM): and i can name more then those off of the top of my head easily

Mochalatte687 (8:02:02 PM): yeah like tom

cwdwarf (8:02:20 PM): lol, i dont even rly talk to tom anymore, he became to much of an asshole

Mochalatte687 (8:02:44 PM): the guy u called ur bff, gone wrong, just like u

cwdwarf (8:02:59 PM): he wasnt my bff

cwdwarf (8:03:04 PM): he never was

cwdwarf (8:03:13 PM): we've allways had an on and off friendship

Mochalatte687 (8:03:36 PM): dont call someone whosnot ur friend a friend

cwdwarf (8:03:58 PM): he's still my friend, just not one thts very high on my list

Mochalatte687 (8:04:25 PM): well ur not on my list at all

cwdwarf (8:04:33 PM): fine by me

Mochalatte687 (8:04:36 PM): good

Mochalatte687 (8:04:53 PM): to bad u can be really nice sometimes

cwdwarf (8:05:06 PM): only to people tht i can trust

Mochalatte687 (8:05:24 PM): o so u cant trust me then

cwdwarf (8:05:31 PM): not anymore

Mochalatte687 (8:05:35 PM): y not?

cwdwarf (8:05:57 PM): because u need to have tleast some courage if im gonna trust you

Mochalatte687 (8:06:04 PM): i do

cwdwarf (8:06:16 PM): no more of this "well teri told me this, so..."

Mochalatte687 (8:06:36 PM): oh sorry for not wanting u to kill yourself

Mochalatte687 (8:06:49 PM): most people would apreciate that

cwdwarf (8:07:09 PM): not when the only thing ur doing is making a bad situation worse

cwdwarf (8:07:34 PM): most people would prefer actually being told tht there gf doesnt want to go out with them then have to figure it out for themselves

Mochalatte687 (8:08:02 PM): some people would rather not kill someone

Mochalatte687 (8:08:24 PM): sorry for caring

cwdwarf (8:09:02 PM): no, i think u should say "sorry for pretending to care while really only wanting you tobreak up with me so i dont have to pretend to feel bad"

Mochalatte687 (8:09:36 PM): i wouldnt pretend to feel bad, and i really did care

Mochalatte687 (8:09:55 PM): thats why i wanted u to break up with me

cwdwarf (8:10:28 PM): no, u wanted me to break up with you because 1: u didnt have the courage to do it and 2: U didnt really care in the first place

Mochalatte687 (8:12:16 PM): i think i know who and what i care for thanx. and i did have the courage to break up with u i just still wanted to be ur friend and its hard to be friends with someone whose dead. which brings us right back to the conversation we were already having

cwdwarf (8:12:38 PM): tht i already beat u at

Mochalatte687 (8:12:49 PM): im sick of talking to u

Mochalatte687 (8:12:52 PM): again

Mochalatte687 (8:13:13 PM): if u want ur life to be hard fine

Mochalatte687 (8:13:26 PM): dont believe anyone could care for u

Mochalatte687 (8:13:49 PM): with an aditude like that no one could

Mochalatte687 (8:14:16 PM): im not gonna try to be friends with u untill u try to be friends with me

cwdwarf (8:14:24 PM): lol

cwdwarf (8:14:27 PM): right

Mochalatte687 (8:14:39 PM): im trying to be serious

cwdwarf (8:14:59 PM): trying and failing

Mochalatte687 (8:15:04 PM): fine.

Mochalatte687 (8:15:26 PM): i dont care anymore

Mochalatte687 (8:15:30 PM): im done

Mochalatte687 (8:15:50 PM): if you wanna be friends u no were to find me

Mochalatte687 (8:15:55 PM): otherwise

Mochalatte687 (8:16:00 PM): godbye

Mochalatte687 (8:16:05 PM): forever

cwdwarf (8:16:12 PM): bye

cwdwarf (8:16:22 PM): good luck with ur whole brian will take me back thing

Mochalatte687 (8:16:33 PM): im not taking him back

cwdwarf (8:16:50 PM): then good luck with ur lonely freshman year

Mochalatte687 (8:17:06 PM): i have plenty of good friends

cwdwarf (8:17:15 PM): who're all girls

Mochalatte687 (8:17:21 PM): david

cwdwarf (8:17:27 PM): ha!

cwdwarf (8:17:52 PM): fry's turning into a whore, not tht u would know anything about that now would you? because ur friends arent as close as you think (SRY BUT I HAD TO USE THIS TERI)

Mochalatte687 (8:18:24 PM): james,trey,mike,kyle...

Mochalatte687 (8:18:28 PM): i can go on

cwdwarf (8:18:45 PM): could

cwdwarf (8:18:48 PM): but cant

cwdwarf (8:19:08 PM): because ur to caught up in ur emotions right now to see tht rly, im right

Mochalatte687 (8:19:32 PM): at least i have emotions

cwdwarf (8:19:46 PM): u think i dont?

Mochalatte687 (8:19:48 PM): and i think i no my friends thanx

cwdwarf (8:20:08 PM): i think ur only seeing wht ur friends want you to see, you little sheep

Mochalatte687 (8:20:21 PM): of course u have emotions u emo

cwdwarf (8:20:46 PM): wow

cwdwarf (8:20:48 PM): u dont know me

cwdwarf (8:20:53 PM): dont even try

Mochalatte687 (8:21:20 PM): and i know my friends not my "friends" and those are the ones im trying to get rid of

cwdwarf (8:21:45 PM): then ull lead a very lonely life with those friends u have tht never talk

Mochalatte687 (8:22:29 PM): nope ill live a happy life with all my loyal friends, wich i have a lot of

cwdwarf (8:22:45 PM): all what, 5 of em?

Mochalatte687 (8:22:50 PM): no

Mochalatte687 (8:22:57 PM): so many more

Mochalatte687 (8:23:07 PM): u cant count em all

Mochalatte687 (8:23:22 PM): now get out of my life fucker

cwdwarf (8:23:29 PM): :o

cwdwarf (8:23:31 PM): u swore!

cwdwarf (8:23:36 PM): the prude swore!

cwdwarf (8:23:39 PM): o:

cwdwarf (8:23:43 PM): :oo:

cwdwarf (8:24:04 PM): how very inlike your mother dearest

for all of you reading this, i thik it is quite obvious tht i won