Do you ever feel like your alone?

oh goddd

now for my super emo deep thoughtful post ive been putting off

do you ever get the feeling that no matter how close you get to someone, they always seem to stay just out of reach? like every step you take closer and hold on tighter is another step the take away and they slip. i dont know whats wrong i swear it, but i feel kind of pulled away lately, like all this week i havent felt like i should, i havent felt really happy, i feel really empty and sad. i get the feeling that andrea's not telling me something, like there's something on her mind but she's afraid of my reaction if she says it. i feel... distant from people lately, even when im talking with them and cracking jokes... i dont feel like anyone truely cares about me. i mean, i know some of you do, but like... idk, it's weird.

i've got too much shit bottled up inside me right now. i need to go out and kill something or something along those lines, my mind is just flooded with these angry thoughts and i keep them to myself and i have no way of letting them out. i need something to destroy or tear apart, my mind is just flooded and i keep thinking in circles.

I've got alot on my mind recently, nat, andrea, grades, other people, myself and what i might get done soon hopefully, shit i need to buy, etc. and it's just all like fgalling on me so heavily cuz finals are seriously next wednesday and i have reviews due tomorow that im not sure if ill be able to finish them.

day 3 without sleeping pills and im crashing inside. my psych doesnt really listen to me about my problems, it's always about my family's problems and whats on them and etc etc. isn't it sposed to be about me and fixing my problems? oh wait, there is no cure from a guy who doesnt understand that i can see right through every single one of his questions.

Andrea-
god there's so much on my mind about her... idk, it doesnt seem like we talk like we used to, maybe it's my imagination or it's the lack of sleep, but you havent been smiling as much or letting yourself have fun, i think i might be doing the same and we need to stop it, its hurs me to look in to your eyes and not see the happiness i once saw, i love you, so much, and i wish i could show it to you some way, but i feel like we're kind of falling apart and i dont want that to happen, not again.


i now have every single symptom for maniacle depression. im never hungry anymore and the only reason i eat is because i know i have to.

i havent been able to relax in god knows how long.




anyone want to shoot me for me? i know ive asked before, but maybe now someone might?

howabout run away with me?

or give me something to make me feel better?