It's the first day of spring, and im full of nothing.

Why are we so fucked up?

why?

all we did was live a life that we thought was right,

now look at us, nothing,

we have nothing,

we were given the world,

and we said we didn't want it,

we were given the world,

But it was full of shit,




today was a day where i just felt like a robot, moving through the day as if it were a scene in a movie, almost as if i wasn't in control, like someone else was puching the buttons, and i was just moving along, by about 3rd hour i needed a hug, and by 6th hour, when nat sent me a pic msg, i was almost depressed, but thanks to monster i somehow feel like im temporarily back in control,

and it's days like me that scare me,

they scare me because its days like these that i fear mpd, because i have almost all of the symptoms, the only one i dont have is a short attention span.

My packet of sleeping pills is almost out, i fear I won't be awake in school for a few weeks


Andrea, you could never fail me, you are my crutch and i care aboiut what you do and how you hurt yourself, but please, please dont do anyhting stupid, ive been able to hold myself back, and i was the one depressed, im not gonna go out and get stoned or cut, because i dont want to start a chain between us two where one will do something and the other one does another bad thing, no, if someone does something, they should owe it to the other person.

as for your day today, days like those are some of my best, just sitting there, thinking about your past and remembering how fun it was, and wishing to go back to it, just think of this, although you've had fun in the past and you seemed more free, you were also more unaware of life, more naive, and now you're older, wiser, less dumb, and you can still have fun, you just have to throw yourself out there and hope they dont shoot you down, but anyways, thats what im for, just call me or saomething when u feel the way you did,

I love being able to go outside in shorts and a teeshirt, its fucking awesome, so is monster
so yeah, im sore from rockclimbing but whatever,


wait a minute.... if andrea doesnt want me talking about hurting myself, and she would rather have me lie, why does she keep asking me when we're together?... o.0

anyways, my sister and i talked about stuff, shes really the only member of my family (in all of it's entirety) that i can connect with, we talk about how much we hate my mom, how two faced both our parents are, etc etc.

aww shit, my monster's almost out :[

i really miss andrea, and i think she should show up to school tomorow, and if nothing else, if she doesnt want to be there, we'll just skip.


oh... i found where my bro hides his condoms xD cuz i was looking for my socks (he steal them frequently) and they were just sitting right there, next to a box of condoms.