UGggghhhh

halloween was fun, but for some reason i got all depressed etc etc.

i went to the stevenson game last night, tam had a few meltdowns and i hope i helped, but with girls... idk why are they so hard to understand, she runs away and then tells me "everythings all right" and im like "no, somethings wrong, tell me whats wrong tam" repeat.

i talked with harpo a bunch last night and im hoping that tam and him will work things out because harpo isnt like what he was anymore, tam doesnt even know this, but harpo kinda hasnt done anything but make out with a girls since last spring and he hasnt done drugs or anything so harpo really is trying to escape his past. and tam shouldnt go back to kris, kris is a deuch bag and should die because he thinks he can toy with girls emotions.


anyways, i came home all messed up last night at 10:30 and i fell asleep but woke up at midnight cuz harp called me (how i woke up IDK) but i didnt answer it so he left me a message saying thanks etc etc. then i feel asleep again and had the most realistic dream ive ever had, i was just sitting on my bed with a nknife slowly slicing my veins open, oh and i had a 6 pack but it looked all weird cuz i had veins showing. anyways, and all of my cuts basically healed except for the ones on my elbow which was weird but they bled ALOT and then i dreamt i passed out so when i woke up i checked my arm to see if there were any cuts there, turns out there werent. thank who ever reigns over us. but seering that blood and feeling the pain just made me want to do it sooo muchhh moreeeee,

so my dad woke me up at noon, and now im missing andrea sooo much and i want to be with her right now but i still have to clean my room and i kinda want to watch the michigan game but idk if shell be able to hang out tomrow OR today because shes all grounded because of the whole schoool calling her 3 weeks after she skipped school and now her mom knows etc etc. but i really want to hang out with her cuz i need someone to talk to and hold, i physically need someone to hold right now and my cats hate me so they cant fill in lolz.

and so one more weird thought. im thinking about making a mixtape about tam, idk why but when we were talking last night i just had all of these songs flash through my head... bloody valentine, loves a loaded gun, the breakup song, almost easy, I wont see you tonight (parts 1 and 2), hate me, diary of jane, sugar were goin down, scars, hate (really really really dont like you), crushcrushcrush, tell me baby, here comes the pain, Liar (it takes one to know one), and i think thats it.. wow 16 songs...

oh yeah, next week friday is stevenson vs fanklin, EVERYONE SHOULD GO TO THIS we'll have a blast and itll be an amazing game, we can hang out and everything. itll be like a macat reunion.

wow this is a long blogpost, oh well.

i love you andrea