so there's one week left until outdoor season starts

which means a month of conditioning and pole drops

:/


my aunt came over right after I got home from school today, i was the only one home and had a headache so I really didn't want her there. Looking back on it, I should have never opened the door.

I'm tired

and I have a headache still

I don't think staring at my computer screen helps at all, but what else am I going to do?

My aunt is currently sleeping on the sofa opposite me so I can't watch TV

And I truly don't feel like doing work or conversing or such







I hate to say it but I really can't wait for my mom to get home and tell her sister to go home.

i feel fat

and dumb

and bruised

and numb

and I'm sorry I can't make you feel better








How do you tell the one you love that you get random urges to just make a shotgun and paint the walls in your bedroom with blood?


I'm sorry, I shouldn't've said that.

I suppose I could erase it but I feel like this is what my life is becoming here, alone.


And when I call you your upset, you aren't in any state to console, so I do the work.

Maybe one of us can be happy

I think to myself while I listen to you cry






I know it sure as hell can't be me

I'm so sorry






I miss you a lot.






In other news, for those of you not in the loop, I'm grounded until April 11th.
No cellphone
No computer w/o permission
No door
No truck/car
No license
No drugs
No seeing Andrea outside of once a week while supervised by both of my parents while at my house




I really miss you

I get the feeling I'll be doing a lot of that.