moderatly confused

The pressure is mounting


sorry about the lack of posts but right now i dont even think writing stuff down will help.

i mean... try to imagine the stress of my life, it's the every day stress of advanced school, plus the moving away of two silings, plus the major surgeries on both sides of the family, plus the change of lifestyle for my aunt who is determined to relate to me, plus the developement of alergies to my cats, plus this damn cold, plus the lack of ability to write anything decent recently, plus the whole i have no friens in my 2nd hour which is awkward cuz it's taught by the coach who i just quit form, plus the quiting of football, plus the searching for a gym, plus the almost completion of the rock wall, plus the winterizing of the lawn, plus the massive lack of sleep, plus the shallow and not deep sleep, plus the self made confusion, plus, plus, plus, plus....

fuck it

im not going to say im sick of it, because in all reality i dont feel i am,
im just tired, tired in the sense of not sleeping and in the sense of it feels like im repeating the same routine every week to no end.

shall i wallow in more misery?

im getting fat. i dont care what you say im getting fat and i hate it.

im sorry, how could i be so dumb as to not do what i didnt do? i know it was like i was there more for the weed than for you, and looking back on it it even seems that way to me. you know when i told you about how sometimes i feel like i just need to be away from everyone, like no one touching me? that was one of those times, so im sorry if i confused you.

It really does seem strange how openly kate and i talked about last year, i can tell it bothered some people around us. but i dont think there's any reason to not look back on things and choose only to see the good in them. It was nice to be openly honest about the things that happened between me and her and i think the air is a little clearer now.

if only the air in my head would clear.

or my sinuses, but that might never come.