Born to be a middle class hero?

well....
i was working in the back yard with my dad (we're almost done with the wall) and i made a dumb move and now the wheelbarrow is broken, so i had to fill, move, and dump over 40 buckets of fill dirt. fun.

i really feel more numb inside recently... I used to be able to say fuck you to my family because i had a lot of friends that backed me up. Now i dont even know if i can count more than 5... some of my oldest friends are leaving me for other people and then they gang up and make me feel stupid.

i think i've found out the true center of me, the thing that determines who i am, what i do, and when i do it. I'm a young kid who has too much maturity, so im trying to force myself back, back to where everyone else is. sometimes, most times, it's worth it, it's fun and good, other times.... i feel like i should be dead.

i am a whore for attention