Take me out of my body to... smell california, and, sweet hypocrocy

ah what the fuck.
im losing it, not that i ever had it, but i am losing it.
saturday i gave myself a minor concusion, i hit my head on the patio cover thing and then hit my head on the bucket i was carrying, thank god no one saw.
today i got hit square in the face with a soccer ball.
ever since then.. when my pulse gets up, my hearing goes fuzzy, i feel disasociated, and i dont feel like moving and i get really tired... oh well

according to my family i like getting in to arguments with them. i suppose so, because it's only through arguing that i can prove i am better because they are fucking dumbshits who dont listen.

today i found out i have four tests on thursday, a Julius Caesar test, a Gym test, a Fetal Pig test, and a WW! test. I have no free time, no life, nothing.

I've been breaking down more often lately, i brokedown 4 times in the past week. i dont know what it is but something really really stressful has happened.

oh, so my sister finally decided and she is now for sure going to michigan tech, we're driving her up sometime mid july i think. My brother is going to florida on a work/learn program with disney world.

Just think, not only will i be the oinly kid in the house to be bitched at, i now have to make up for all the chores they would be doing.

Haikus have been about the only thing I've been able to write recently, it's really frustrating when u have all of this tension and absolutely no release other than tricking other people in to hurtin you or hurting urself in less than obvious ways.

I have ten bucks, three guesses what it's going to.

Our back yard project is going pretty good, my dad took out the stairs and now about 2 walls are done, it's just one corner left, and then we have to figure out what the fuck we're gonna do with it all.

Im soo tired. I sleep for hours on end, wake up and feel the same as i did when i fell asleep. I dont know why either.

and yet again i am at a point where i dont know what i want.
i dont want to die, but there are days
I dont want to run away
i dont want to kill someone or something
i dont want to get wasted
i dont want to do more

i guess all i want is the world to slow down,
that seems so selfish


why am i so selfish?
i want the world to slow down so i can take a break, rest up, get back in the game,
but that'll never happen, for me or for anyone.

they say kids are becoming more grown up younger and younger now adays, maybe if you didn't rape their minds with fear they'd stay young.