So yeah, you can see what happened friday night on love's blog, but i still think she shouldnt have gotten mad, it's a perfectly normal response from her body after what she had not to be... excited.
ANYWAYS
im still clean, i havent had anything and im gonna keep it up for next month and maybe a little longer.
Ive had 14 hours of sleep in the past 48.
this weekend was really a waste of time, i learned a little about my character (medicine man "meteu") and how to pronounce somethings and inflect my voice at what points and whatnot, but i think this group will really just be the bare minimum, whatever we can get away with with doing the least amount of effort.
We went bowling, my ball was eradict, I would get a strick and then two zeros, it was interesting (i got 94 on game 1 and 104 on game 2)
Mr Rosiek needs to learn to be able to tell when someone doesnt want to carry on a conversation anymore.
My mom just put a timer on me and i still have to upload the below and need to check everything else.
She uses timers cuz she cant trust anyone cuz shes an impersonal bitch.
And now my printer's not scanning, wonderful, so here's what I answered for the last question of Trombly's homework:
Q: What danger do teenagers ignore? How can teenagers be educated to take dangers seriously?
A:
Teenagers ignore the fact that even the slightest loss of attention to what one is doing can be fatal. Teenagers can be educated of danger by having them see EVERY side of an issue, not just the scare-tactics of public school because we are so dulled to scare tactics throughout the years of toilet-bowl "learning" (and I use that term loosely as it is more years of toilet-bowl memorizing and forgetting right after the test) that it would be required once that if we are to truely "learn" and "understand" danger in our lives we should be given a truely unopinionated view point of an issue from every angle. However, it is impossible to teach something to a large group of people without inutting some form of opinion, thus someone will eventually get fed up with it and eventually quit, thereby undermining and proving the ineffectiveness of a public school. This is also the reason why people drop out of school, it's not that they don't want to learn; they just don't want to learn their teacher's opinions. The solution to this is to program computers to teach students, but then the programming could be biased and people think computerized teaching dehumanize students. So our society continues along down the same road of memorizing opinionated "Facts" and forgetting them and having dropouts. Oh, and if I get marked down due to anything other than "wandering answer" it just prooves what I just said; an opinion is being forced upon me from the public school system and it's collective set of morals. It's 4am and even if I get marked down for this answer I don't care because it got my point across.
(everything above is written on the back of my sheet, let's see if she reads it.)
And as for my opinionated response of how I feel about Naturalism?
A:
This is a good philosophy for explaining nature and even possibly destroying religion through natural science, but as a story-telling philosophy it falls short due to lack of personalities.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
OHAI!
im sorry i havent been posting much lately
ive been falling back into my own little hole, the same one i fell into four years ago when i became depressed and suicidal, but last time it was due to the stress of maturing physically by myself, and it definantly was sahana and elise who saved me from that one, so i owe you guys a thank you..
anyways, now im feeling more and more pressure from my family, we're putting both of my siblings thru college and my dad just got laid off, we have no stress relief. It's amazing how screwed over the last child always is in my dad's side of the family, his dad is the youngest and last, but the one just older than him sold everything the family had inherited and wasted it all on an alchohol addiction so gramps never got any, then my dad was born simply to be a play toy for his brother, then his brother went off and died of an untreatable childhood cancer and in order to allow his parents to recover from that (financially and emotionally) dad took up college for free thanks to our wonderful navy. the navy, however, only would let him in if he took oceanography, so he took oceanography as his major. Now my dad' is 47, jobless, and has a degree in oceanography, WHO THE FUCK WANTS AN OCEANOGRAPHER IN MICHIGAN? so im stuck here, with my senile mother (who i found out the other day couldnt stop crying when i was born) and a dad, who as of 5pm friday has no job. atleast my brother and sister arent here to feel the same stress Im under; they're off away in college, living the stress free life they always wanted away from mom and dad, and now it looks like im going to have to end up spending two years at schoolcraft and then transfering to hawaii simply because of the costs.
My brother hasnt called home in over two months, we think he's planning on doing a transfer thingy with a school in china, why's he so into asian chicks? idk... but it really bothers me that he hasnt called AT ALL, i mean, i understand that you dont like mom and maybe you disagree with dad, but i mean, come oon, you are the one who fucked up your life by failing college by NOT GOING
My dad just called, apparently he's having a bad reaction to the shot they gave him today (it's the second time they're giving him this shot cuz the first time didnt work) it's supposed to relax the nerves around his bad back and basically be a straight to the source pain killer, we'll see how it goes.
My sister just got over a very bad case of the flu, apparently she couldnt leave her dorm for a week so now she's got to reintegrate into society and her roommate has to be "proactively treated" she also just broke up with her boyfriend because she "wasnt enough of a challenge"
my mom is still crazy, but she's gotten work as a part time clown (still) and she just got a job for a 16' arch, she said she'll pay me, i hope she pays in cell phone minutes.
I'm going clean for march, and possibly for all of the entirty of spring. Im doing this to let my body catch up to me in sleep, growth, etc. and so i dont kill myself. Ive been noticing im more depressed recently, it's not the hard hiting depression like the one i was in a while back, but the edge of it has been taken off, im lethargic, bored, unexciting. I dont like it.
I looked around today, I asked andrea a simple question,
where's all our friends go?
where did you guys go? i mean, i know ive been busy and youve been busy but lately it seems like the only peoplle who have been reaching out to me to see me have been for the chemicals that happen to be in my possesion, i know ive kind of put myself in this hole, but why is no one calling anymore? no one even messages me on facebook or myspace. seriously guys, come on, what happened to all of the friendships we used to have together? whatever happened to wasting days at the rec and then being kicked out and going to dairy barn cuz we wanted ice cream? whatever happened to having fun without the need of chemicals? Whatever happened to you? i want to know, i miss you guys and im really sorry if it seems like ive been avoiding you but the truth is i loved all of you and for quite a while you guys were the only things keeping me from going off and killing myself.
That reminds me, i had a disturbing thought on the bus home today, that the only thing holding me back from a constant spiral downward (like i was) is andrea, she's the only reason im trying to go clean, im not doing it really for myself, god knows i dont care if i die, im doing it for her, she's less happy lately because im less happy, and i figure im less happy because ive been doing harder shit than weed, i mean heavy duty alchohol and codene. it's killed my REM cycles and my sex drive and i want both of them back, so if i let my body step back for a while and breath, im hoping ill get back to being my old self again
I apologize, love, for the other night, it scared me the fuck out, i couldnt stop myself, i can see why people get addicted to that shit, so im stopping, for you and me.
My aunt told me that her doctor had infrormed her that her dad (my grampa sidick) has schizophrenic tendencies, i can see it.
Im sorry for my family, mainly ue to my mom and her family, mental diseases come down hard from both my grandpa and grandma's sides of the family, and then they went and had kids, so now their kids (my mom and her sisters) have the highest chance of having a mental disorder there is possible in a child without it being born with the illness. I, however, come from that on my moms side and addictions on my dads side, but i figure that I'm one step above the worst and I'm hoping that i dont go as crazy as them. I figure that im doing the world a favor by keeping my crazy genes out of the pool.
My dad's home, i g2g
Call me, anytime
if you dont know my # message me
oh yeah, i've had ideas for lyrics for a while now but i cant seem to put them down right
"she keeps her shot glass right in front of the can opener"
"The angel fell off the tree and the tree burst into flame"
"everytime you call i have a knife ready"
"Your sweat is saltier than your tears"
ive been falling back into my own little hole, the same one i fell into four years ago when i became depressed and suicidal, but last time it was due to the stress of maturing physically by myself, and it definantly was sahana and elise who saved me from that one, so i owe you guys a thank you..
anyways, now im feeling more and more pressure from my family, we're putting both of my siblings thru college and my dad just got laid off, we have no stress relief. It's amazing how screwed over the last child always is in my dad's side of the family, his dad is the youngest and last, but the one just older than him sold everything the family had inherited and wasted it all on an alchohol addiction so gramps never got any, then my dad was born simply to be a play toy for his brother, then his brother went off and died of an untreatable childhood cancer and in order to allow his parents to recover from that (financially and emotionally) dad took up college for free thanks to our wonderful navy. the navy, however, only would let him in if he took oceanography, so he took oceanography as his major. Now my dad' is 47, jobless, and has a degree in oceanography, WHO THE FUCK WANTS AN OCEANOGRAPHER IN MICHIGAN? so im stuck here, with my senile mother (who i found out the other day couldnt stop crying when i was born) and a dad, who as of 5pm friday has no job. atleast my brother and sister arent here to feel the same stress Im under; they're off away in college, living the stress free life they always wanted away from mom and dad, and now it looks like im going to have to end up spending two years at schoolcraft and then transfering to hawaii simply because of the costs.
My brother hasnt called home in over two months, we think he's planning on doing a transfer thingy with a school in china, why's he so into asian chicks? idk... but it really bothers me that he hasnt called AT ALL, i mean, i understand that you dont like mom and maybe you disagree with dad, but i mean, come oon, you are the one who fucked up your life by failing college by NOT GOING
My dad just called, apparently he's having a bad reaction to the shot they gave him today (it's the second time they're giving him this shot cuz the first time didnt work) it's supposed to relax the nerves around his bad back and basically be a straight to the source pain killer, we'll see how it goes.
My sister just got over a very bad case of the flu, apparently she couldnt leave her dorm for a week so now she's got to reintegrate into society and her roommate has to be "proactively treated" she also just broke up with her boyfriend because she "wasnt enough of a challenge"
my mom is still crazy, but she's gotten work as a part time clown (still) and she just got a job for a 16' arch, she said she'll pay me, i hope she pays in cell phone minutes.
I'm going clean for march, and possibly for all of the entirty of spring. Im doing this to let my body catch up to me in sleep, growth, etc. and so i dont kill myself. Ive been noticing im more depressed recently, it's not the hard hiting depression like the one i was in a while back, but the edge of it has been taken off, im lethargic, bored, unexciting. I dont like it.
I looked around today, I asked andrea a simple question,
where's all our friends go?
where did you guys go? i mean, i know ive been busy and youve been busy but lately it seems like the only peoplle who have been reaching out to me to see me have been for the chemicals that happen to be in my possesion, i know ive kind of put myself in this hole, but why is no one calling anymore? no one even messages me on facebook or myspace. seriously guys, come on, what happened to all of the friendships we used to have together? whatever happened to wasting days at the rec and then being kicked out and going to dairy barn cuz we wanted ice cream? whatever happened to having fun without the need of chemicals? Whatever happened to you? i want to know, i miss you guys and im really sorry if it seems like ive been avoiding you but the truth is i loved all of you and for quite a while you guys were the only things keeping me from going off and killing myself.
That reminds me, i had a disturbing thought on the bus home today, that the only thing holding me back from a constant spiral downward (like i was) is andrea, she's the only reason im trying to go clean, im not doing it really for myself, god knows i dont care if i die, im doing it for her, she's less happy lately because im less happy, and i figure im less happy because ive been doing harder shit than weed, i mean heavy duty alchohol and codene. it's killed my REM cycles and my sex drive and i want both of them back, so if i let my body step back for a while and breath, im hoping ill get back to being my old self again
I apologize, love, for the other night, it scared me the fuck out, i couldnt stop myself, i can see why people get addicted to that shit, so im stopping, for you and me.
My aunt told me that her doctor had infrormed her that her dad (my grampa sidick) has schizophrenic tendencies, i can see it.
Im sorry for my family, mainly ue to my mom and her family, mental diseases come down hard from both my grandpa and grandma's sides of the family, and then they went and had kids, so now their kids (my mom and her sisters) have the highest chance of having a mental disorder there is possible in a child without it being born with the illness. I, however, come from that on my moms side and addictions on my dads side, but i figure that I'm one step above the worst and I'm hoping that i dont go as crazy as them. I figure that im doing the world a favor by keeping my crazy genes out of the pool.
My dad's home, i g2g
Call me, anytime
if you dont know my # message me
oh yeah, i've had ideas for lyrics for a while now but i cant seem to put them down right
"she keeps her shot glass right in front of the can opener"
"The angel fell off the tree and the tree burst into flame"
"everytime you call i have a knife ready"
"Your sweat is saltier than your tears"
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