Take me out of my body to... smell california, and, sweet hypocrocy

ah what the fuck.
im losing it, not that i ever had it, but i am losing it.
saturday i gave myself a minor concusion, i hit my head on the patio cover thing and then hit my head on the bucket i was carrying, thank god no one saw.
today i got hit square in the face with a soccer ball.
ever since then.. when my pulse gets up, my hearing goes fuzzy, i feel disasociated, and i dont feel like moving and i get really tired... oh well

according to my family i like getting in to arguments with them. i suppose so, because it's only through arguing that i can prove i am better because they are fucking dumbshits who dont listen.

today i found out i have four tests on thursday, a Julius Caesar test, a Gym test, a Fetal Pig test, and a WW! test. I have no free time, no life, nothing.

I've been breaking down more often lately, i brokedown 4 times in the past week. i dont know what it is but something really really stressful has happened.

oh, so my sister finally decided and she is now for sure going to michigan tech, we're driving her up sometime mid july i think. My brother is going to florida on a work/learn program with disney world.

Just think, not only will i be the oinly kid in the house to be bitched at, i now have to make up for all the chores they would be doing.

Haikus have been about the only thing I've been able to write recently, it's really frustrating when u have all of this tension and absolutely no release other than tricking other people in to hurtin you or hurting urself in less than obvious ways.

I have ten bucks, three guesses what it's going to.

Our back yard project is going pretty good, my dad took out the stairs and now about 2 walls are done, it's just one corner left, and then we have to figure out what the fuck we're gonna do with it all.

Im soo tired. I sleep for hours on end, wake up and feel the same as i did when i fell asleep. I dont know why either.

and yet again i am at a point where i dont know what i want.
i dont want to die, but there are days
I dont want to run away
i dont want to kill someone or something
i dont want to get wasted
i dont want to do more

i guess all i want is the world to slow down,
that seems so selfish


why am i so selfish?
i want the world to slow down so i can take a break, rest up, get back in the game,
but that'll never happen, for me or for anyone.

they say kids are becoming more grown up younger and younger now adays, maybe if you didn't rape their minds with fear they'd stay young.

fucking a

tired stressed
god that was goodweekend
2s
1d
0slp
skipped practice saturday to help in the yard, saw fiddler twice, boyscout meeting tonight i went to, massive mood swings, nyquil to sleep, im so sorry for hurting you, running, more running, jumping, stairs, sleep, poetry, mental blocks, failures, etc. etc.

life is hectic

you bleed just like you puke

hey love
im sorry your sick
im sorry im so demented
but thats ok
it what we call love

so definantly got in an argument over whether alchohol is worse than weed or not
alchohol deaths in 2004: 2115 (just 16-20 year olds)
tobaccoe deaths in 2004: estamated over 400,000
marijuanna deaths in 2004: estamated 5000

now think about this




had enouhg time?




no?




well too bad,
marijuanna (used by almost every age bracket) kills only a few thousand more than alchohol does in just one age bracket across 4 years!


oh well


anyways

best birthday ever
i gots a headache now though
im almost out but andrews getting me some more
im carving my own pipe so it might be a while b4 i rly can have a new one unless it's something quick and out of tin foil

i love you

get well soon! :]