Legoland

I'm really, really sorry for the whole lego thing....

but here's the backstory:

I used to be very lonely within my own house, no one to talk to, play with, be around. everywhere i went i felt unneeded. so i went to my room when mommy kicked me off the videogames. i would play for hours and hours with legos, trying new things, always having great ideas but little execution.

i would try and try again, searching for new pieces or rearranging the ones i had, to make what i saw in my mind, till eventually i got so frustrated i would get depressed and not try to talk with anyone. i would sometimes cry because of how frustrated i would get.

i always wound up hurting my fingers from putting together and prying apart pieces. sometimes my hands would end up bleeding. most of the time i ended up smashing whatever it is that i made, feel useless, and go eat a snack.

my parents were always saying how good of an engineer i would become if i kept playing with legos, well here i am mom and dad, happy now?

Also, when we went to disney world when i was 7, i was really obsessed with going to legoland... our extent of the legoland visit was all of 20 minutes of our trip, mom said i could pick out one thing, so i picked on out from one of the many walls. i handed it to her, she gave me some candy and we left without it. i didnt remember it till later that night and i didnt have fun the rest of the trip.

here's my reply

a person posted a question on answer bag on whether or not anyone ever felt like they were watching their life happen instead of living it.

one person suggested that it was a depressive response, another an attention disorder.

here's my response:

ive been getting this feeling on and off for about a year and a half now, it's not due to repetition because it's happened on campouts and while cooking new things and during morning routines.

i don't think its an attention disorder, i think it's a seperation between the conscious and unconscious minds, no mtter how long or temporary, it allows us to speak before even thinking about what we're syaing, allowing our conscious mind to wander while our subconscious handles all of our physical limitations.

take advantage of this and do something productive with your complex mind's freedom. i write while watching life happen.

i wont be caught living in a dead end job

well, my brother's coming home.

it's actually a surprise. apparently he got fired from his job and he has to leave his appartment by noon tomorow. so my parents just wired him some money so he could fly home. this is going to be an interesting weekend.

my mom's got another migrane, wiling and wiling away. i feel no sumpathy for her.

my sister's friend kyle came over today, he's an albino farmer, tall, muscular, kind of socially awkward.

ive been finding myself mimicking what i did two summers ago. it feels at some points that im watching a movie instead of actually living my life. Im not sure if it's a bad thing or a good thing. i feel indifferent, not caring about it, but knowing its there. I answere everything based off of first thought, i dont even think about or comprehend the question before i answere, and most of the times its the right answer. am i normal?

i bleed alot now, lots of nose bleeds for absolutely nothing, always the right nostral.

THANK GOD SHE BLED.

sigh, cant think of anything to say so ill just type as im thinking of it wow i take a long time to type why am i still typing like this and why do i have absolutely no punctuation.... why'd i have to stop and think of how to spell punctuation? shouldnt i know that by now? wow i jusy typed know instead of now i beat this is getting really really boring for anyone reading this but thats ok because i dont really care because if you are still reading this then maybe you actually care about me or maybe you're just trying to learn something.

im thinking that im gonna ask for either SPORE the game for xmas or across the universe dvd.

im really really really lazy lately and i dont know why.

oh shit polevault start in like a week or two...

sometimes i wish people could just peek inside my head to see if i really am messed up or if its just things that can be fixed. somedays i wonder if i have brain damage. somedays i wonder if i should even bother waking up. somedays i wish i hadnt gotten up. somedays i wish the world will end in 2012. somedays i wish i was really really god at one thing instead of being ok to good in many things. i always feel emotionally vulnerable.

PS I Love You

Women Have More Diverse Hand Bacteria Than Men

ScienceDaily (Nov. 4, 2008) — A new University of Colorado at Boulder study indicates that not only do human hands harbor far higher numbers of bacteria species than previously believed, women have a significantly greater diversity of microbes on their palms than men.

Women talk three times as much as men, says study

By FIONA MACRAE
Last updated at 13:39 28 November 2006

Women talk almost three times as much as men, according to the research.

It is something one half of the population has long suspected - and the other half always vocally denied. Women really do talk more than men.

In fact, women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man.

Men are more intelligent than women, claims new study

By BEN CLERKIN & FIONA MACRAE
Last updated at 13:38 14 September 2006

It is research that is guaranteed to delight men - and infuriate the women in their lives. A controversial new study has claimed that men really are more intelligent than women.

The study - carried out by a man - concluded that men's IQs are almost four points higher than women's.

British-born researcher John Philippe Rushton, who previously created a furore by suggesting intelligence is influenced by race, says the finding could explain why so few women make it to the top in the workplace.

He claims the 'glass ceiling' phenomenon is probably due to inferior intelligence, rather than discrimination or lack of opportunity.

The University of Western Ontario psychologist reached his conclusion after scrutinising the results of university aptitude tests taken by 100,000 students aged 17 and 18 of both sexes.

A focus on a factors such as the ability to quickly grasp a complex concept, verbal reasoning skills and creativity - some of they key ingredients of intelligence - revealed the male teenagers had IQs that were an average of 3.63 points higher. The average person has an IQ of around 100.

The findings, which held true for all classes and levels of parental education, overturn a 100 year consensus that men and women average the same in general mental ability.

PS: I WIN!

if i were not a boy scout i know what i would be

ive been watching more of the old tv shows lately,
MASH, beverly hillbillys, hogan's heroes, etc.
they're cool

so the petition hasnt happened

im really kinda lonely now adays

this draught sucks

the fight never went down

blah blah blah

here's your post

Are we growing up, or just going down?

Lolz. It was a hell of a job trying to log in here. I got your email addresses mixed up. I'm used to logging in to my gmail and just hitting the sign in button in the corner, but yours isn't synced to that account, so it didn't work right. And obviously because it isn't synced to gmail, the password didn't work and it kept asking me to start an account until I figured out that you used yahoo.

Be that as it may, by request, I am to substitute as author today (I, being the girlfriend). I'm not really sure of what to say, because I didn't get much direction in that part of the demand. Basically I'm just supposed to write whatever I think he would say. Which, I'm not really sure of. Usually he starts out with what's been going on, and then delves into his feelings about his family, friends, and then himself. Maybe he makes a comment or two about our relationship. Otherwise, he's just ranting about something that's on his mind. Either way, he ends his posts with something to think about or something to come.

Considering we don't share minds, I obviously can't fill in half of those things, and I can't really give a good perspective on how things went today.

From what I understand though, he spent most of the day doing the same old, same old. Chores and such. He finally fixed the vacuum cleaner, but not before I had called him. Considering the recent events that he posted about earlier today (technically yesterday?), I decided that I was going to see him and talk things out. I called him while I was standing at the end of his street and asked him if we could hang out. He said it was unlikely, so I told him to just come outside then. Well, we talked things out, and I think things will be better, although I can't say what his standpoint is. I definitely know how he feels now (if only he would tell me more often). I never know what is going on in that head of his until it's too late and I've fucked up somehow, or things have boiled over. But anyhow, I got to stay and eat dinner with him and his family, which I enjoyed. I haven't been over there in a while, and I don't know. I guess I kind of missed it. As strange as it is, I feel like I belong there more than anywhere else. Maybe it's because he actually has a family, or what. When he reads this, he'll probably ask me why, but I really don't mind his family all that much. I see what he means about his mom, and I will admit she's rather... off her rocker sometimes, but I can also see things from their point of view. Honestly Carl, I don't have the greatest relationship with my parents, but I would never talk to them the way that you do sometimes.

Back to our day though...
I spent a good 5 hours there and things were somewhat back to normal-I mean, as normal as things get anyway. We fooled around, and we fooled around, and we got to enjoy the day without much mental stress, or at least I didn't anyway. I can't say what he was thinking. It reminded me of how we were so long ago. Where we just had innocent fun. Albeit, innocent fun with some heavy petting, but like we used to.

I did end up leaving my stuff over there when we left, but it's nothing I can't live without. Well, maybe him, but I can't take him home with me.

This is the first night though that I willingly didn't bring my teddy bear home, and this is the first night I really wished I had it. Before, it was something that I always brought with me, like I had to bring it with me, but today, it feels like I need it.

But you know, Carl, you can feel free to substitute for it any night ^^
Speaking of which, if any night you ever feel like coming over, feel free. Or any day for that matter. Randomly. You can just show up. In fact, I think I would like a surprise visit more than anything. And if you ever come to find me not home, you can just come inside and wait for me. I gave you a key for a reason.

This post feels unfinished, but I don't know what to say now.














*as;lkdfa;sklndva;uipw9woijqowerfna,m ,zxmnvawerituqh*
*snicker*
*guffaw*
*inside joke*

Can you hear me now?

I said i was going to blog on it so here it is.

I didn't want to say this because i found it slightly ironic.


It seems like you aren't even hearing me anymore. You don't care what I'm saying, it just goes in one ear, meets with a dejection, and slides right on out the other. I think it seems like we argue a lot because it takes five or six minutes just to get you to tear down your mental walls so i can actually talk with you or have you even consider what I've said. But even after all of that, you tend to just shrug off what i say. And is you aren't arguin or dejecting, you have an excuse written up already. If I'm trying to give you advice, why would you give me an excuse? Even if you don't follow it, just say 'ok' and move on. It really hurts when you don't even think about the things I say because your excuse is ready, but when someone else gives you advice you listen intently and follow it. How am I supposed to feel if i can't even talk to you without being beaten down?

You don't laugh with me anymore.

I've also been finding everything I do recently has been a failure. I can't even do chores without breaking something or doing it wrong. I cann't even think right.


By George, I think I've gone depressive