Take me out of my body to... smell california, and, sweet hypocrocy

ah what the fuck.
im losing it, not that i ever had it, but i am losing it.
saturday i gave myself a minor concusion, i hit my head on the patio cover thing and then hit my head on the bucket i was carrying, thank god no one saw.
today i got hit square in the face with a soccer ball.
ever since then.. when my pulse gets up, my hearing goes fuzzy, i feel disasociated, and i dont feel like moving and i get really tired... oh well

according to my family i like getting in to arguments with them. i suppose so, because it's only through arguing that i can prove i am better because they are fucking dumbshits who dont listen.

today i found out i have four tests on thursday, a Julius Caesar test, a Gym test, a Fetal Pig test, and a WW! test. I have no free time, no life, nothing.

I've been breaking down more often lately, i brokedown 4 times in the past week. i dont know what it is but something really really stressful has happened.

oh, so my sister finally decided and she is now for sure going to michigan tech, we're driving her up sometime mid july i think. My brother is going to florida on a work/learn program with disney world.

Just think, not only will i be the oinly kid in the house to be bitched at, i now have to make up for all the chores they would be doing.

Haikus have been about the only thing I've been able to write recently, it's really frustrating when u have all of this tension and absolutely no release other than tricking other people in to hurtin you or hurting urself in less than obvious ways.

I have ten bucks, three guesses what it's going to.

Our back yard project is going pretty good, my dad took out the stairs and now about 2 walls are done, it's just one corner left, and then we have to figure out what the fuck we're gonna do with it all.

Im soo tired. I sleep for hours on end, wake up and feel the same as i did when i fell asleep. I dont know why either.

and yet again i am at a point where i dont know what i want.
i dont want to die, but there are days
I dont want to run away
i dont want to kill someone or something
i dont want to get wasted
i dont want to do more

i guess all i want is the world to slow down,
that seems so selfish


why am i so selfish?
i want the world to slow down so i can take a break, rest up, get back in the game,
but that'll never happen, for me or for anyone.

they say kids are becoming more grown up younger and younger now adays, maybe if you didn't rape their minds with fear they'd stay young.

fucking a

tired stressed
god that was goodweekend
2s
1d
0slp
skipped practice saturday to help in the yard, saw fiddler twice, boyscout meeting tonight i went to, massive mood swings, nyquil to sleep, im so sorry for hurting you, running, more running, jumping, stairs, sleep, poetry, mental blocks, failures, etc. etc.

life is hectic

you bleed just like you puke

hey love
im sorry your sick
im sorry im so demented
but thats ok
it what we call love

so definantly got in an argument over whether alchohol is worse than weed or not
alchohol deaths in 2004: 2115 (just 16-20 year olds)
tobaccoe deaths in 2004: estamated over 400,000
marijuanna deaths in 2004: estamated 5000

now think about this




had enouhg time?




no?




well too bad,
marijuanna (used by almost every age bracket) kills only a few thousand more than alchohol does in just one age bracket across 4 years!


oh well


anyways

best birthday ever
i gots a headache now though
im almost out but andrews getting me some more
im carving my own pipe so it might be a while b4 i rly can have a new one unless it's something quick and out of tin foil

i love you

get well soon! :]

In Response

to what happened between nat's ex and andrea... im proud of her,sounds kinda lame but i am...

Im also surprised it took so long for someone else to make a move but whatever, it happens

im just happy she loves me enough to stay away


i love you

:P

so it happened again, not last night, but the night before... WAYY better

other than that... saw 21, good movie
hung out with harpo and andrea in the same day at dif times
went to some mexican place and it sucked ass
woke up today at 11:30 with a headache and 6 missed calls, 2 from andrea 4 from Chelsea

i think i would write something right now if i didnt feel so tired/headache-y

How do you do it? make me feel like you do

Hey there beautiful I know it's been long,
But I hope things got better in the time I was gone,
I know you've only gotten stronger,
And I've just been gone longer,
The days melted to one under the bottle,
And your arm just dripped into the puddle,
We've been locked in twisted internal bleeding,
And our daemons we just keep feeding,
But if you

Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,

Hey there beautiful I hate the things I've done,
But if you can kiss me you can put down the gun,
Flying lead won't break your fears,
Bloody corpses only bring back tears,
Drop the rifle and lower your screams,
I'm sorry I'm not the man of your dreams,
Hit me again, I'll let you this time,
Hit me and maybe it'll all be fine!

Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,

Hey there beautiful the times flown by,
I'm sorry for the times I made you cry,
You hated me then and still it lingers,
But why'd you take off three of my fingers?
But now the house is gone up in smoke,
And now that we are both just as broke,
Do you think we could try again?
Could we look through our self made rain?

Kiss me sorry and I'll hold you tonight,
Kiss me sorry and I swear I'll do it right,
Kiss me sorry and we'll stop the fight,
Kiss me sorry and you know we just might
Hold on,
Hold on,
Hold on (yeah yeah yeah),
Hold on (or let it go),


Ah yes, fun times
if you havent read yet, yes i lost my v card, and no, its rly not wht u expect it

uhm... from the dime bag i bought im downthe about half a bud and im splittin tht with tom tomorow, might not be eboungh but hell, i might get lucky with henry

haven't cut in a while :D

pole vaulting is rly a lot easier and more fun than i expected, so this season should be fun

FIRE FUCK!

4 posts in one day

mmk, so i bet your all wondering why i've done four posts in one day, well quite frankly it's because thats about half the number of moodswings i've had in today alone, so here goes entry number 4

(btw, this has nothing to do with my actual feelings right now, just some cluttered thoughts in my brain)

Isn't it amazing? how in a world filled creatures that only one has chosen to grow and become the "ruler" of all the others? Well think about this, everyday people commit suicide, rape, murder, and poaching. What kind of race are we in that involves killing one's self, one another, torturing another, and unrestricted killing? humans weren't ment to live this way, stacked in similar, cookie-cutter houses along a narrow, twisting path in another gray part of the s8uberbs. We weren't ment to burn more than our weight's worth of fuel in a month. We weren't meant to be caged up, in a labrinth of twists and turns with nipple high walls and hispeed internet every five feet. We were ment to live spaced out, freely, as if grazing on a hillside. Naturally we wouldn't all group together, trying to obtain sustenance from the same patch of land the guy right below us is. We wouldn't naturally live over our own shit and we wouldn't naturally eat more sugar ina month than a creature that survives off of sugarcane does in a year.

What is civilized? According to our world, it's the process of which any and all people on the planet are accepted and loved and cared for. But by that meaning, what happens to the people who torture other people for pleasure? well, they're tossed out of society and locked up, sometimes even injected with poisons ment to mutilate them fomr the insides until life is forced out of them. And what about war? If we are so civilized as to love everyone, why is there war? People deciding they'll kill others simply because they dont believe in the same things or because he looked at them funny.

Imagine life as a bathroom: The sun is the light on the ceiling, the sink is a black whole, the holes in the ceiling tiles are the other universes, and the dorr is the gateway to heaven. Each time god needs to shit, he just goes in to our world and takes a dump and then jacks off. Now, in the toilet bowl of life, we have white and black people. Indians are the blood found in semen and asians are his diarhea, spreading to places no one wants them. We all are mixed up and swished around, randomly claiming parts of the world as our own and then being overrun by another. We float along for a while until god decides he get's bored with our little show and he flushes to toilet. poof, we're all dead.