1. Is there someone you wanna date right now?
The girl i love
2. Name a quote from the song you're listening to:
uhm...
Sit tight, I'm gonna need you to keep tight, come on just snap snap snap your fingers for me. Good good, now we're making some progress come on just tap tap tap your toes to the beat
3. How is life going for you right now?
confusing, i feel like im about to snap when it comes to my anger, ive just got so much shit pent up inside of me its not funny, but atleast ive been able to write
4. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
well, i have a few secrets, but no one that doesnt lready know them doesnt need to know them
5. What was the reason you last cried?
Emo mood swings
6. Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home?
yeah
7. What is your favorite fruit?
cactus fruit when it's deseaded
8. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
the ability to stick through good and bad
9. What's the song that makes you cry?
give it all by rise against more specifically:
"So please believe your eyes, scrafice, is not what we had in our minds"
10. Do you miss someone?
Andrea, elise, nat, sahana, teri, etc.
11. Who?
see the previously stated names
12. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
no, because the bottom keeps moving down
13. Do you trust people easily?
only if i have to, but i have been known to throw my trust at people
14. Where is one place you want to visit?
uhm... anywhere not in my house is good
15. Do you freak when people hug you?
only if its really REALLY unexpected, I'll gladly hug anyone that i dont think has a hidden needle with gonomonociphaherpalaids on it.
16. Are you a tease?
only when she teased first
17. What made you happy today?
WRITING oh my god i felt like so good after i wrote two songs in 6th hour, I would've wrote more had robert not interrupted me asking him to write smut for him
18. When was the last time you cried?
last night
19. What color shirt are you wearing?
white/brown
20. How long is your hair?
sexy
21. How long have you been friends with your best friend?.
I have many, tom: 3 years now, all my other 2 years or less
22. Last thing you drank?
water, gatorade
23. Are you happy right now?
not especially, i have to go to my psych in 15 mins and i got a headache and im tired as fuck
24. Does someone have a crush on you?
quite truthfully, i think there could be 2 or 3 girls with crushes on me not counting andrea, i know that sounds a little stuck up for myself, but after having 2 people "fall in love" with me while i was trying to get with their best friend i know atleast some warning signals
25. Do you have a crush on someone?
if a crush is love than yes
26. If someone who didn't know you had to guess your name, what hint would you give them?
"It's not ment for our generation"
27. Anything important you need to tell someone?
use a rubber????
28. Will you ever tell them?
if they dont read this, probably not
29. Do you have big plans and goals for your life?
go to med school, become a psychiatrist, open up my own clinic for clinically depressed kids/tennagers/young adults
30. Last person you had a deep and meaningful convo with?
the voices in my head
31. What was the last thing you highlighted?
i think it was my fingernail cuz im sexy like that
32. Name something you have in common with all your siblings:
if u add my dad in as well we all hate my mom
33. In one word describe yourself.
contradicting
34. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
having people over without anyone else home
35. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2
36. Have you ever passed out from being drunk?
not yet ^^
37. How many kids do you plan on having?
2.5
38. If you could kiss anyone, who would it be?
andrea, then god, cuz i would live forever
40. When is the last time you went out of the state?
oh god..... 7th grade?
41. Have you ever had a true-friend?
yeah, shes called andrea, tam, nat, elise, etc.
42. Do you crack your knuckles?
YES! and my wrists and my toes and my ankles, it's loud and ill probably die someday because of it
43. Are you ticklish?
yesh, but only a few people have found my ticklish spots on my body and i think most of them have forgotten
44. Have you ever felt not good enough?
do humans ever feel "good enough"? if we did, why would we continue to work to get better?
45. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
certain, not so legal things, and making people laugh, i love making people laugh
46. Can you do anything crazy with your tongue?
not especially, but some girls would disagree o.0
47. What's something you want for your birthday?
there's this rise against dvd thats out that i want
48. Are you more independent or dependent?
both? depending on my mood and where i am in life, im fine by myself but other people make me better i think
49. What is one thing you miss about your past?
not my weight, not my life, just last year i miss knowing everyone and having good teachers
50. What is something you learned about yourself recently?
I need to cry a lot more, i need to lift more, im not good enough, a 3.89 gpa is considered sucky, i cant handle myself, my own mind corrupts itself, i may be schitzophrenic, i keep tearing myself down inside, i work too much, i sleep not enough, i need an outlet for all my pent up anger.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Standing Alone In the World Divided
wow, lots of thing happened since last update, i rly dont update enough,
yesterday i went to bed at 4 pm and got up and 730 today, i rly like skipping meals, makes me feel skinnier.
helped my aunt move today. started work at 9, ended at 310.
that was fun, and she's now living literally accross the street form my other aunt in milan.
uhm... andrea came over, sneaking her in to the house was fun, im surprised we didnt wake up anyone.
i went shopping! yay! i feel like a girl, but my parentsd felt enough pity for me to take me shopping when i GAVE AWAY lik 65% of all the shit in my room, it's still packed full, but just less so now.
ugh i still need some pants.
oh yeah, im goin to the concert with andrea now :]
tomorow i should be hanging out with andrea after hw/chores.
yesterday i went to bed at 4 pm and got up and 730 today, i rly like skipping meals, makes me feel skinnier.
helped my aunt move today. started work at 9, ended at 310.
that was fun, and she's now living literally accross the street form my other aunt in milan.
uhm... andrea came over, sneaking her in to the house was fun, im surprised we didnt wake up anyone.
i went shopping! yay! i feel like a girl, but my parentsd felt enough pity for me to take me shopping when i GAVE AWAY lik 65% of all the shit in my room, it's still packed full, but just less so now.
ugh i still need some pants.
oh yeah, im goin to the concert with andrea now :]
tomorow i should be hanging out with andrea after hw/chores.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Days go into months, months into years, if we continue like this, we'll dispearse our fears
happy 5 month anniversary love,
we have now been going out for almost 3% of my time here on earth lol, not counting last time :p
we have now been going out for almost 3% of my time here on earth lol, not counting last time :p
Friday, January 18, 2008
BLAH
yeha
that pretty much describes how i feel
and being so im going to write my post in reverse order of how it happened
hamburgers for dinner, came home, checked phone oh shit!, went to toms for the afternoon, couldnt find any weed, got home, busride home pretty amazing "DONT STOP BELIEVING", final final=boring, 5th final=easy, finished 30 mins before everyone else, andrea passed her math class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, wake up, 14 hours of sleep, take a nap that turns into sleep, go home, take 4th final=easy, take 3rd final=not as easy but still easy, wake up, go to bed, come home from andreas house, have fun at both of andreas houses, shopping!, go home with andrea, take 2nd final=easy as fuck, take 1st final=not so easy, wake up, go to bed, review all day, wake up, go to bed, review 2-6 hours, set up art gallery 1st hour, wake up, go to bed, scouts, chores, homework, church, wake up, go to bed, go to "pirates who never do anything"
im tired
and bored,
but i get to see andrea tonight :]
that pretty much describes how i feel
and being so im going to write my post in reverse order of how it happened
hamburgers for dinner, came home, checked phone oh shit!, went to toms for the afternoon, couldnt find any weed, got home, busride home pretty amazing "DONT STOP BELIEVING", final final=boring, 5th final=easy, finished 30 mins before everyone else, andrea passed her math class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, wake up, 14 hours of sleep, take a nap that turns into sleep, go home, take 4th final=easy, take 3rd final=not as easy but still easy, wake up, go to bed, come home from andreas house, have fun at both of andreas houses, shopping!, go home with andrea, take 2nd final=easy as fuck, take 1st final=not so easy, wake up, go to bed, review all day, wake up, go to bed, review 2-6 hours, set up art gallery 1st hour, wake up, go to bed, scouts, chores, homework, church, wake up, go to bed, go to "pirates who never do anything"
im tired
and bored,
but i get to see andrea tonight :]
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Baby, We Were Meant To Be
wow.
thanks andrea :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
it's days like today that remind me of why i live,
and today seemed to fix everything wrong that happened between us andrea, i feel like we just started going out again, so madly in love with each other.
oh, and thnx fortaking wht you took :]
(NOT MY VIRGINITY COTE YOU LITTLE PERVERT xD)
thanks andrea :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
it's days like today that remind me of why i live,
and today seemed to fix everything wrong that happened between us andrea, i feel like we just started going out again, so madly in love with each other.
oh, and thnx fortaking wht you took :]
(NOT MY VIRGINITY COTE YOU LITTLE PERVERT xD)
Friday, January 11, 2008
Do you ever tell yourself, dont try? dont try to let yourself down.
wow
im really down right now, but not like depressed to the point where it hurts, just sad and want to be left alone.
today was a pretty uneventful day, drifted through it like nothing else and i waas horny as fuck all day so i kinda got my hopes up for andreas house tonight... but i shouldnt have done that because shes at her sisters house goddamnit.
so tomorow want to see sweeney todd with her and then tomorow night we'll hang out.
maybe the weekend wont be as bad as the week was.
im really down right now, but not like depressed to the point where it hurts, just sad and want to be left alone.
today was a pretty uneventful day, drifted through it like nothing else and i waas horny as fuck all day so i kinda got my hopes up for andreas house tonight... but i shouldnt have done that because shes at her sisters house goddamnit.
so tomorow want to see sweeney todd with her and then tomorow night we'll hang out.
maybe the weekend wont be as bad as the week was.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Do you ever feel like your alone?
oh goddd
now for my super emo deep thoughtful post ive been putting off
do you ever get the feeling that no matter how close you get to someone, they always seem to stay just out of reach? like every step you take closer and hold on tighter is another step the take away and they slip. i dont know whats wrong i swear it, but i feel kind of pulled away lately, like all this week i havent felt like i should, i havent felt really happy, i feel really empty and sad. i get the feeling that andrea's not telling me something, like there's something on her mind but she's afraid of my reaction if she says it. i feel... distant from people lately, even when im talking with them and cracking jokes... i dont feel like anyone truely cares about me. i mean, i know some of you do, but like... idk, it's weird.
i've got too much shit bottled up inside me right now. i need to go out and kill something or something along those lines, my mind is just flooded with these angry thoughts and i keep them to myself and i have no way of letting them out. i need something to destroy or tear apart, my mind is just flooded and i keep thinking in circles.
I've got alot on my mind recently, nat, andrea, grades, other people, myself and what i might get done soon hopefully, shit i need to buy, etc. and it's just all like fgalling on me so heavily cuz finals are seriously next wednesday and i have reviews due tomorow that im not sure if ill be able to finish them.
day 3 without sleeping pills and im crashing inside. my psych doesnt really listen to me about my problems, it's always about my family's problems and whats on them and etc etc. isn't it sposed to be about me and fixing my problems? oh wait, there is no cure from a guy who doesnt understand that i can see right through every single one of his questions.
Andrea-
god there's so much on my mind about her... idk, it doesnt seem like we talk like we used to, maybe it's my imagination or it's the lack of sleep, but you havent been smiling as much or letting yourself have fun, i think i might be doing the same and we need to stop it, its hurs me to look in to your eyes and not see the happiness i once saw, i love you, so much, and i wish i could show it to you some way, but i feel like we're kind of falling apart and i dont want that to happen, not again.
i now have every single symptom for maniacle depression. im never hungry anymore and the only reason i eat is because i know i have to.
i havent been able to relax in god knows how long.
anyone want to shoot me for me? i know ive asked before, but maybe now someone might?
howabout run away with me?
or give me something to make me feel better?
now for my super emo deep thoughtful post ive been putting off
do you ever get the feeling that no matter how close you get to someone, they always seem to stay just out of reach? like every step you take closer and hold on tighter is another step the take away and they slip. i dont know whats wrong i swear it, but i feel kind of pulled away lately, like all this week i havent felt like i should, i havent felt really happy, i feel really empty and sad. i get the feeling that andrea's not telling me something, like there's something on her mind but she's afraid of my reaction if she says it. i feel... distant from people lately, even when im talking with them and cracking jokes... i dont feel like anyone truely cares about me. i mean, i know some of you do, but like... idk, it's weird.
i've got too much shit bottled up inside me right now. i need to go out and kill something or something along those lines, my mind is just flooded with these angry thoughts and i keep them to myself and i have no way of letting them out. i need something to destroy or tear apart, my mind is just flooded and i keep thinking in circles.
I've got alot on my mind recently, nat, andrea, grades, other people, myself and what i might get done soon hopefully, shit i need to buy, etc. and it's just all like fgalling on me so heavily cuz finals are seriously next wednesday and i have reviews due tomorow that im not sure if ill be able to finish them.
day 3 without sleeping pills and im crashing inside. my psych doesnt really listen to me about my problems, it's always about my family's problems and whats on them and etc etc. isn't it sposed to be about me and fixing my problems? oh wait, there is no cure from a guy who doesnt understand that i can see right through every single one of his questions.
Andrea-
god there's so much on my mind about her... idk, it doesnt seem like we talk like we used to, maybe it's my imagination or it's the lack of sleep, but you havent been smiling as much or letting yourself have fun, i think i might be doing the same and we need to stop it, its hurs me to look in to your eyes and not see the happiness i once saw, i love you, so much, and i wish i could show it to you some way, but i feel like we're kind of falling apart and i dont want that to happen, not again.
i now have every single symptom for maniacle depression. im never hungry anymore and the only reason i eat is because i know i have to.
i havent been able to relax in god knows how long.
anyone want to shoot me for me? i know ive asked before, but maybe now someone might?
howabout run away with me?
or give me something to make me feel better?
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