it's been a while..

so yeah, it's been a while since my last update, a week, i think, whatev.

so tomorow im thinking of getting andrea and goinmg to see balls fo fury and making my brother drive cuz he owes me.

my psychologist is as stupid as ever, asking the dumbist of shitty questions.

we won our last football game 34-6, i got 2 carries both for -2 yards, making my average a little under 4 yards per carry. almost blocked a punt, but didnt.

went to the CHS MB swim party last night, really boring, really really boring. everyone there had a bf/gf and they were all making out at one point or another, it got really annoying that you couldnt go anywhere and not see someone making out. plus it made me miss andrea just all that much more.

speaking of andrea i went by her house after the game 2 days ago and dropped off some cake which she says was delicious :D

i went out 'selling' yesterday but only ended up going over to ben shaw's house and playing Halo2 live on his 360 and like 50 in plasma screen.

I should be completely done with my reports tomorow morning.

i had the razor in my hand dancing across my arm two nights ago, but didnt do anything.

my moms still is a bitch

ditto for my dad and sister.

my weekend

saturday:

Grandparents house for grandma's birthday

sunday:

Church
Metamora to pick up my sister from band camp
maybe I'll have time after that to do something

I REALLY need to go over to someone's house and chill for a day

THIS IS FOR YOU ELISE :P

ok so this post is because elise was bothering me to update it

but other than that... not much has been going on in my life.

Ben's been asking me to hook him up with some non-prudish girl whos not short and not fat and not taken

Ive been replaced pretty much by Curtis at running back but yet im starting above him tomorow

Im still going out with andrea

I feel like i need to cuddle with someone (a girl preferably)

Tomorow's game is at 4:30 at CHS against East Lansing be there or die (jk)

My sisters at band camp

My grandma just called to tell us her surgery went good and shes alright now

I got a concussion on monday, a bone bruise on tuesday, and nothing today

Nat is still grounded for life

I still have to finish my summer reading

AAAnd i feel like i need to cuddle with andrea.




oh and for those of you who havent noticed, i repeat the thngs that are important to me

xD+x[

ok, so, i just got back from meet the team night, saw a lot of people i know, a lot of friends, but didn't really talk to anyone.

but the most AMAZING PART of my entire day IS::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

watching Christy do her pom/cheer/whatever thing on stage xDDD she looked soooo awkward and her mom saw me and just like, turned the other way? idk how to put it. anyways, when the act was all done and they took off their creepy faces, they were going down the stairs in a line... and.... she was pushed to the back of the line and was like standing there for like 30 seconds looking kinda awkward and VERY unaware of her body. like, everyone sitting in the first 30 rows coulda seen up her skirt if they wanted to (not that anyone ever would).




on a heavier note, i think i may have gotten a concussion today. i was walking off the field at the end of practice and my eye felt crooked and oddly hot (my left one). and ive been hydrated so you cant blame these headaches im getting (also on the left, a little closer to the eye than the temple) on dehydration or low blood sugar (cause i had dinner 2 hours ago). I think I'm gonna talk to the trainer about it tomorrow, but if i do that I might not be able to practice, and if i cant practice than i cant play, and if i cant play, than i just made the past 3 months of training completely worthless.

:]

im going out with Andrea again.

dont ask dont tell

but we had a nice afternoon together

please

please ignore the previous post

guys, gals, please dont cry.

It is my regretfulm duty to inform you that today is the day that I die. I do not wish to make a big scene out of it or anything, I just want you all to know this is not your fault. I want you all to know that I love you and I don't want any of you to do what I will be doing. I want you to forget I ever existed and go on with your lives. I'm not quite sure when I'll go do it, I just know it will be today.

My dad has told me that if I don't 'Shape up' as in become a prude/goody good like he wants me to. He'll take me out of football and won't let me do pretty much anything. I can't get happy, even the football games aren't good enough to make me happy.

So since Im gonna die today, I might as well tell all or most. I have been mentally abused since i can remember, I've also been physically abused by my brother, who has anger issues. Anytime anyone asks me if something is wrong, I allways end up saying nothing even though it is everything. Anytime I tell someone nothing is wrong and i tell them "Im just tired," it usually means that I'm thinking about killing myself and I don't want to worry you with it. I have tried to kill myself, 3 times now. 2 by pills and one by drowning. somedays i want to light the house on fire and go to sleep inside. I hate my family, but you all knew that, I couldn't love them if I tried. I miss love, happiness, and joy. I hope I'll find them where I'm going.