so there's one week left until outdoor season starts

which means a month of conditioning and pole drops

:/


my aunt came over right after I got home from school today, i was the only one home and had a headache so I really didn't want her there. Looking back on it, I should have never opened the door.

I'm tired

and I have a headache still

I don't think staring at my computer screen helps at all, but what else am I going to do?

My aunt is currently sleeping on the sofa opposite me so I can't watch TV

And I truly don't feel like doing work or conversing or such







I hate to say it but I really can't wait for my mom to get home and tell her sister to go home.

i feel fat

and dumb

and bruised

and numb

and I'm sorry I can't make you feel better








How do you tell the one you love that you get random urges to just make a shotgun and paint the walls in your bedroom with blood?


I'm sorry, I shouldn't've said that.

I suppose I could erase it but I feel like this is what my life is becoming here, alone.


And when I call you your upset, you aren't in any state to console, so I do the work.

Maybe one of us can be happy

I think to myself while I listen to you cry






I know it sure as hell can't be me

I'm so sorry






I miss you a lot.






In other news, for those of you not in the loop, I'm grounded until April 11th.
No cellphone
No computer w/o permission
No door
No truck/car
No license
No drugs
No seeing Andrea outside of once a week while supervised by both of my parents while at my house




I really miss you

I get the feeling I'll be doing a lot of that.

I'm so lonely

When people recognize me in the hallways it startles me.

I need money.

I need people to hang out with so when you ask me what I did to say I can have something more than "nothing."




I love you,


Maybe I'll see you today

She don't use buuter, she don't use cheese, she doesn't use, anything; she uses vaseline

I need someone to tell me what I'm doing is ok,
That I'm not fucking everything up,
That it's not my fault,
That there'll always be someone,
That if I died today it would actually have an impact,


that what I'm seeing, feeling, thinking, is actually reality.

We run on the fumes of injustice, we'll never die with the fuel that you give us

My parents filled my tank :]

I can drive to school this week!

I got the new used album (thank you, love!)

My Eagle prject is really going to be balls out now, the deadline is hopefully the 2nd monday in november. I'm going to need a lot of help with physical labor, it's not hard, just long. (The longest part will be sanding).

We're making 100 of these (out of pine, not oak)



88 of them will be unfinished, so the families that are doing homeschooling for Catechism due to scheduling conflicts/special needs can decorate them. 12 will be finished for classrooms within St. Kenneth's social hall.

I've got to get a presentation of money/time/hours/safety/etc. by a week from tomorrow, then start working on it the week after that.

I'm estimating 3-4 days for making the 88 unfinished ones (one day for cutting out the basic template, one for rounding and sanding, and another 2 for any extra things we have to do) they're the only ones with a deadline (the 2nd monday in novemeber), the other 12 can be done whenever.

I have to get costs and somehow do a fundraiser for it. I'll probably just ask to go up to the alter in church and beg for money like all the priests I hate. But mine really is all volunteer work.

I'll need at least 2 router tables, I have one, does anyone out there know anyone else who would let me borrow it for 2 Saturdays in October?


If you're interested, please let me know. All volunteer work is appreciated!