Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another list

here they are

1: I cut today, see the following for reasons as to why

2: went to andrea's house yesterday and the day before that, allways fun until the end, when the sudden realization that i have to go home settles in

3: at the end of my visit to andrea's house, i got really really depressed really fast. like *BOOM* im depressed now. "see you monday, I hope" thank you andrea, if it werent for those words, i really dont think i would be going into school tomorow.

4: my parents keep bitching at me to do chores which ive allready done, or do hw which ive already done.

5: forced, expected, and real made me think

6: my dad keeps harping on me to do scout shit

7: my dad keeps yelling at me cuz apparently im not a good enuf football player

8: my brother keeps belittling me (i think thats the word...)

9: i feel like running away.

10: I still am getting constant headaches.

11: my back still hurts like a mother fucker

12: well i have to go do more fucking chores, more on this later.

I LOVE ANDREA

ok so tam was just talking to me about how much she loves chris and it got me thinking...

I LOVE ANDREA WITH EVERYTHING

i would die for her, i would kill myself or anyone else for her, i would run away for her, i would do anything for her.

When i think of her Im happy.

I feel guilty whenever i talk with any other girl.

I live for those 3-4 mins in between classes where i see her.

SHE IS THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME FROM CUTTING

i know she cares, and she's someone whos allways there and ready to talk to.

I know ive been buggin her about making out, but i love her hugs better.

without her, i wouldnt be the same.


i will do anything to make her happy.

i love you andrea.

football game

ok so i went to the football game last night, churchil won like 49-0 but i didnt rly watch the game.

i got there right at the opening kickoff, wohoo.

andrea got there at about the end of the first quarter and i hung out with her for the rest of the time, which was fun and memorable.

kelly kept trying to shove her foot up my ass which hurt, i broke up a fight, made fun of Salem's freshmen cuz they sucked, andrea did something that surprised me but i liked it, talked with tom, got in a shit load of headlocks, watched the halftime show, hugged/cuddled with andrea alot.

drove andrea home, went home, watched football.

wewnt to the chiroractor today, they're gonna take xrays next week.

my parents are goin to the michigan game today, anyone wanna hang out?
i was gonna have my bro drive me and andrea to go see balls of fury, but she might be having a party today, but if she does im goin.

but my plans usually dont work so if anyone wants to hang out just call the home phone.

off day, off week, off life

today i didnt do anything right.

my sub in WH got pissed at me

I failed in actually talking to andrea, so far all we've had are these fleeting conversations that last like 2 mins

i completely fucked up the biology lab today, and got my partner pissed at me

i couldn't write worth shit in math today,

I fucked up my sculpture a little bit

we won the game but i lost the battle, here are my stats:
playing time: 2 quarters
carries: 0
yards: 0
touchdowns: 0
fumbles: 0
defensive playing time: 0
tackles: 0
sacks: 0
hits: 0
pancake blocks: 0


coach was a bitch and wouldn't give me the ball or let me play defense.

so now im home.
and i'm talking with andrea, and she says she couldnt go to the game cuz she didnt have a ride. so i tell her that we can give her a ride, and then she goes all "well i want to avoid tha situation.." thanks, andrea, i can tell ur trying really hard.

and now katies riding my back for asking stupid questions.

and elise is all confused and i havent seen her in a while

and sahana is getting pretty much worse by the day

and no one really cares anymore
no one has ever really cared
thanks


for nothing

i snuck out last night :D

yeah, so i snuck out last night and went over to andreas house where she was having a sleepover with katie and lizzi. It was fun, obviously, but i think certain things coulda been better.

especially for the fucking effort of getting there...

si now im really congested and i cant breathe through my right nostril and im going on 5 hours of sleep and right now im rambling.

so today i go to church, come back, do chores, do homework, go to the church picnic for dinner, go to the boy scout court of honor, come home, go to bed.

F-U-N
u b a
c e z
k r i
i . s
n
g

ok so im grounded

for the weekend

because i punched a hole in the wall because my mom hasnt given me my allowence for three weeks and wont give me it until i meet her demands, which of course is complete bullshit because i want to kill her and get her the fuck out of my life.

but other than that today was ok

actually was able to talk to/hug/hold hands with andrea today, so that was good.

practice was easy.

but i still feel like killing myself, just because my life would be so much easier if i was dead.

I don't even know where to start

ok so ill just list them off as they come to me

1st day of school ws possibly the worst day of my life, i went to bed at 9:30 and woke up crying twice in the middle of the night, after taking dramamine to fall asleep.

I have pretty much no friends in any of my classes, and those i do have in my classes, they're on the other side of the the fucking room.

we won today, 28-8. I got 4 penalties (2 offsides, 2 holding), only two were accepted. I ran the ball twice, once for 4 yards, once for 14. Had one pass and one completion for 13 yards ish.

Andrea didn't show up at another one of my games.

I'm drowning in Rise Against.

I had a test in Acc English today, which i probably bombed.

I was going to kill myself last night. I don't know what stopped me.

Saturday I'm going to the Michigan game.

I think I've retreated alot since the end of the last school year, I'm not as confident, outspoken, or friendly. I've decided I've pretty much lost all of my ability to talk to girls.

My locker wouldn't open yesterday so I had to carry everything around with me. I finally got it open today, thank god.

I feel extremely lonely right now.

Last night after the second time i woke up I felt seriously like puking.

My parents are still as bitchy as ever.

My mom just had foot surgery and since she's been off of the meds, she's been as mean and demanding as possible.

I want out, now.